Choc, Some similarities and what I did or didn't do.
I think she is trying to see if she can create some space, and some independence, for herself WITHIN our marriage BB fills any space with her dogs then I have a difficult time getting us back together.
What I have done is to move the dogs (the things that are the physical or emotional barriers) and place myself next to BB. She is a rub her back/feet junkie.
instead of falling asleep on the couch like I always used to, Our situation was, BB never liked to watch what I liked, so I recorded my programs and watched them when she went to bed. I knew I would face resistance if I went to bed with BB and lying there and the prospects of being rejected or ridiculed wasn't much of an incentive for going to bed with BB.
I don't stay up late much any more. The problem has always been, once BB hits the pillow, she becomes a rag doll and wants to sleep.
She kind of did this "scoff" thing, but then allowed me up close to her.. BTDT. So Susan will accept back rubs. That is good. My personal opinion is people need touch time. Keep it up as often as you can. Frequency counts more than duration.
I do as much as I can. Instead of doing the back and foot rubs for a long time and resenting the nothing in return, that typically happens, I shorten the rub time but keep the frequency high.
She always tenses up when I do that, she says because "you snore and I can't fall asleep," but I know that's just an excuse for her fear of intimacy and closeness with me. Snore, BTDT. BB moved to the other bedroom for 5+ years. Sex was 1X a week if I turned on the TV and we watched her favorite program a little, had sex and then she took off to the other room. SUCKED!!!!
I did a sleep study; got a CPAP machine/blower and use a mask like a pilot wears. No snoring now but BB still has complaints that she can hear the whoosh sound going through my mask. Picky people, ugh.
Choc, the longer an issue is a problem, the longer some people (wives in this case) hang on to the resentments they have.
Consider a sleep study. Talk to your doctor and say that your breathing is irregular. My insurance company won't do a darn thing about snoring but they have cart blanch for irregular breathing situations. The key words are "irregular breathing or pauses when breathing.
The medical side is when breathing is irregular less oxygen gets to the brain, blood pressure rises, the heart has to work harder, people are more productive when they sleep more soundly, and a side benefit is a lot fewer pee breaks at night.
I complimented her on her muscles (this is the first skin-to-skin contact I've had with her in MONTHS/... Years??? Chock my man, "years" is way too long, but you know that.
Breaking old patterns is tough. I have my share of things that I can do easily for someone else but not for me. Congratulations for doing the skin-to-skin contact.
I bet your heart/mind was all over the place during the Kiss. WTG!!!
She didn't answer, but said, "let's do spoons," and we did.. Her saying, "let's do" is a big plus to my ears.
until I finally cooked her out of the place Same here Choc. I limit the area of my body that touches BB and move the covers up-down, or remove covers right to left or uncover our feet or legs. BB complains. Wants to be covered up but doesn't want to be too warm or too cool. What is a guy to do?
The goal was to show some tenderness to her, and to show her that I could lovingly accept a rejection without getting all pouty like I used to.. Change that attitude to: The goal was to show some tenderness to her, and to show her that I could lovingly be with her and just hold her. Have some skin-to-skin time and exchange some kisses.
Maybe in a month you can lay face to face with her on top. "Peace Between The Sheets" style.
