Advice Needed!

[glamgirl]

Thanks RCR your post just made me cry. You are so right and those are all the things that H keeps telling me. He needs to find himself, it's not on my timeline. You are right, I don't approve and it's tough. How do I get past that? I don't believe you need to be apart from someone to figure it out. It makes me angry that he has done this to his family. I know he cares, but it feels like he doesn't. I don't want a divorce, but I don't want to continue living apart either.

You see I am at a crossroad. I know I need to be patient, but that has never been a trait of mine. I am the type that wants it now. This is the area I need to focus. Probably could do me some good in the future when dealing with H too.

I think MLC and depression, because he had to move out and find himself. He hasn't changed his looks stuff like that or dressing differntly, but he needs to figure his life out. He had a failed business when all of this started, but I am also finding out through little discussions with him he wasn't happy in our marriage. Duh, you could have told me, instead of run away. He was making decissions in his business that made his partner and others not trust him and really take a step back and ask who is this guy. He has been caught lieing, stealing, involved with some really questionable practices. He says I didn't support him and his family is very dissappointed in him. He feels he is not deserving of anything and is very bitter and angry towards me because he feels I didn't support him and was talking to his family and business partner and he feels that was none of my business. So now we are working our way back from all of this mess. H is 38, me 46, D3, S5, S18. He feels a ton of guilt. Any suggestions on how to work with that?

He also is in the process of starting another business and yes this just angers me. He puts all the focus and attention here when the attention should be on his family. He feels he needs to do this to be satisfied with himself. I know some form of depression runs in his family even though no one will admit it. I also think he has some deep rooted issues from how he was raised and the expectations that were set upon him. He rarely talks to family anymore and this was almost a weekly thing. He was the brother that everyone looked up too.

Do I go dark or just continue to be kind and supportive? How do I help him deal with the guilt and thinking he is a failure?