NikkiB #15 (moving to Piecing)

[NikB]

Thanks all for your posts!

Ourcrisis
That's a very good point on how I can respond to H's words/actions but ignoring the tone. Thank you!!! I hadn't thought of that and I think that's a great idea. I know I was responding to his tone by kind of "shutting down" a bit and that's a pattern I need to break in myself.

ST
Oh I completely agree that he's likely responding to the way I addressed everything the other night. I do take some of the blame/fault for the way I went over board the other day. Also agree it's kind of tough in my sitch because he CAN'T just cut off all contact period. That would be so much more clear cut.

In hindsight I probably should have had this talk before he even moved home - that way deciding to come home and deciding to cut off contact w/her would have been more on his terms or timeline. I couldn't deal with their Thurday night "dates" (what it feels like to me, I know he defines it very differently). When he wasn't here I was able to just move on with my own life and not care much what he was doing, but when he got home it REALLY bothered me. Ah well... if only we could all rewind our sitches right??

Julie
Thank you very much! Definitely agreed, communication is a key thing for all of us to learn.

Cliffy
True - he did make the decision. I think I forced it way too much, but he DID choose. He could have gone out and knowingly hurt me further and he didn't. That's a pretty big deal.

Have fun camping!!! (and stop tormenting me !) Your new horse sounds wonderful though - hope she turns out to be a good "camper" too!

zuzu
Pretty well, thanks! It wasn't great.. H was kind of moody and weird all night. When he got home I asked if I could take him out to dinner and he said no, he wanted to eat leftovers, so I just kind of gave him more space again. After reading here, next time I think I'll emphasize more thanking him for coming home, giving him the kudos for making the choice (regardless of his mood). I finished up our costumes for the party this weekend while H did stuff out in the garage. We did go for ice cream before bed though, that was kinda fun. Something we used to do quite a bit in the summer.

Had a bunch of yucky nightmares last night, most of them involving me doing very violent things to OW/PW - that was very weird. I really can't figure out why she's popping up in my mind so much lately and I'm finding myself so angry. Playing psychologist for a moment my guess is that I'm "projecting" some anger on to her that belongs elsewhere. Kind of like blaming her for the M issues when it was really just a symptom... but I'm not sure why now, why so intense etc. Will have to do some reading this weekend and see if I find anything in DR or the "Not just friends" book, and some self-reflection after that.

Must say it was very nice to have H here to wake me up when I started to really freak out. It happened a number of times while he was gone and man, some of those nightmares got really awful when they were allowed to "play out" instead of me waking up.

Aside from that, though, looks like it's going to be a beautiful weekend, we have a fun party to go to, have some plans apart from each other on Sunday (remembering to keep on GALing separately too). So I'm looking forward to it. Hope everyone has a good Friday and a fun holiday weekend!!