Alamo & Lin -- your posts make me cry this morning. I think the thing about this BB is how much everyone can care for who are really just strangers.
H and I just now when he came to pick up S1 talked briefly about S2's response last night. I don't know if I did the right or wrong thing to tell H that S2 was so unhappy; what I did was do what H asked me to which was to keep him informed. I could tell this morning that H is hurt and he said he's mystified about S2's inconsistency -- S2 will be sad and angry with me but only happy and upbeat with H. I made a point of letting H know that when S2 and I talked about our sich -- which doesn't happen often -- I am very sure to not vilify H's actions nor to commit to any particular outcome. I just try to reassure S2 that he will always be loved by H&me and that we are both working on who we are so the outcome can be mutually decided - that no one is just walking away from the other.
I wanted to tell H that just b/c S1 has the same emotional control and seemingly blase attitude, that it doesn't mean that H's actions haven't absolutely shook all of us and that S2 is only expressing what everyone's feeling ... but I didn't. I know it won't help anything to add blame to this, and I'm already worried that telling him as much as I did has opened up room for shame/guilt resentment.
I hope that time will give us back what we had in terms of easy physical connection (not saying we had a great sex life, but we could easily touch and kiss -- even after we had been married 15y, people said we acted like we were on our honeymoon). I fear that like your case Alamogirl we might be too far for DB; it is H's reserve and the depth of his shame/guilt that makes me think he might not even allow himself to relove. Still, Lin, your story gives me hope. And yes, in the end, it comes to me finding me and getting my own strength and self-esteem back (and fun Justd!). I know that I am growing even in the midst of pain; I just wish I could blame the growing pains on puberty like the first time .
I've wondered if I am spending too much time reading these boards, but I know that the support is incredibly helpful right now. You all are great!
The day has started with the sun, so I hope it is going to be a good one.
I'll let you know the result later - Cheers - Anne
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