Sashaying thru Seperation III

[mcojh]

Well I don't know what to say. One minute I feel a step forward, then I feel a step back and then sideways. We went to dinner at a sports bar and had a noce meal. We then ran a couple errrands and then to the concert. Along the way, we had no R talks, except for CW talking about altering our kid schedule when school is over. She also asked about my schedule in July, which together or not needed to be discussed.

During the concert, she asked me to call the kids to have S6 ready for bed when she got home. I learned that she had bought a computer today for her apartment. I have no idea how she can afford it, unless she is driving herself into debt. I know that this shouldn't affect me, but it gets me down that she is making this type of purchase, 1 because she can't afford it, 2 because she is trying to buy the kids, and 3 because the OM is probably funnelling her $.

On a positive, we got along great tonight, and she even commented that this wasn't something I would usually bring her to.

I just don't know. Some things lead me to look up, other things lead me to look down......

[Dr LOve]

The positive part feel good doesn’t it. Sounds like when I and my W had our “first date” last Saturday. I was a little awkward but nice. We laughed. Had some wine coolers. Played pool. (Which we have never done together). I didn’t pressure her at all. I’m not sure what she was expecting. I think she may have thought I was going to talk R. I didn’t even try to kiss her after. (After all this was our first date I’m not cheap)
Now mcojh this seemed to work for me. Write her a little thank-you note. If you know her favorite colors buy an envelope and paper that color. Don’t write anything mushy just
I had a great time at the concert. Maybe mention something funny that happened. Mention something about how beautiful she looked and end it with an “I hope we can do it again soon”. Don’t sign it with an ILU just a see ya later or see ya soon. I can’t really say it worked for me because the letter I gave her she has hidden for some reason. I don’t know if it was a keep sake or what all I know is she didn’t throw it away anywhere around the house (I checked every trash can).

Husband

[mcojh]

Thanks Hubby, I will consider it. On another note, last night in bed, alone, it occurred to me what I miss about our R, old or new. It is the sharing we did, on a regular basis, things we routinely did together, and just being together. It is something that I took for granted and now don't have. What really pi$$es me off is as a LBS, I don't have this, but she does as a WAS with the FOM.

[lovelyolive]

I know what you mean. It seems like they have everything and we have nothing,doesn't it? But, actually in the end - you have your integrity intact and can have total respect for yourself. That means everything long-term...

[Yoyowife]

MC,
I too miss the sharing and the whole couple thing. And you are so right when you say that we don't have the closeness of a companion, but they do with the OP.

Funny, I used to want a king-size bed to have more room, now my queen-size bed seems way too large.

[mcojh]

Thanks ladies, somehow my integrity isn't comforting me today. CW is off work, I called to tell herr our morning turkey hunt was unsuccessful and to let her know I found a bill she was looking for. She seemed upbeat and glad to talk. I jokingly asked her if she wanted to come over and help plant the 3 tubs of Hostas I commandeered and she said no, which is fine, but my pea sized brain starts imagining her with the FOM and I go downhill. It is hard for me to have a PMA.

My biggest fear is that she is playing me and I am going to let myself get crushed again when she decides the time is right. This is illogical, I know, but it is still a fear.....

[EmtnRllrCstr]

MC, you are not being illocical you are being human. It is ok to fear the unknown, we all do... Just do not let your fear control you. You are a strong man do not forget that.

-ERC

[lovelyolive]

Someone pointed out a different perspective to me once. What if your W is truly miserable right now? What if, in fact, you are feeling way better and are happier than she could even pretend to be right now because of the destruction she has caused to your family. Maybe, in fact, you should feel sorry for her.

And, you are right. You ARE taking a chance. But, what happens if you don't? Then, you'll never know. It's hard to get your heart to understand what your head logically is saying, though isn't it?

wow.. you have three tubs of hosta to plant? I don't blame her for not wanting to help!

[theoden]

MC,

OK buddy.

Maybe it's time to pull back on asking her to do things. Use your the space to have a little time for yourself.

Have you thought about the time your wife has the kids, for you to go out, alone, and maybe journal a bit. Write your thoughts out. Invite God into the conversation.

Here's another perspective. She is with OM. You know it and I know it. She's not playing you. Rather, you are playing her. Your messing with mind. You are drawing her away from him.

You can only stand to win.

--Theoden

[mcojh]

I know I am doing the right thing by fighting for my M. I am a warrior. The problem is the mixed messages. She is all happy and concerned. On the phone earlier today she said I sounded tired and I should take a nap instead of planting hostas. (We were up to go hunting at 4am). When I talked to her later, she asked how my nap was and if I feel better. We chatted a little and then I got off the phone. Personally, I could never be this nice to someone I was hurting so badly with no sign of reversal.

I need to get it through my head again, that I cannot control the A, and if it is to end it will. I need to keep DBing.