I think it might be time for you to share with the group here...
I can tell you that I don't think it is time to throw in the towel...you both have a lot on your plates...I know you think she is being cold and heartless but really it is more likely that she is holding together when around you...she doesn't want to be vulnerable and she doesn't want to hurt...but it will catch up to her...
I think too that you should go with the family to visit the inlaws...this will be a good opportunity for you to display your real self as well...your new and improved sober real self (unless you feel there might be temptation to drink while there...I know some recovering alcoholics can be around others drinking and be okay...but some can't and they need to acknowledge that)
Also know that your W is not consciously playing a game with you but she is equally confused by all her own feelings...remember you had a long time of numbing that she didn't have...so maybe cut a little slack for her now???
I just talked to a gal I work with who just got out of rehab...she said she was so angry at her H that she just spewed at him for the first month she was gone (she claims this was part of her healing...I think it is an excuse)...anyway now SHE is filing for divorce!!!...it is heard on both sides when you are dealing with recovery from substance and trying to fix what has been broken a long time...these all effect the M as you knew it...that M is gone, dead, done, over...what you are looking to do is resurrect a new M where the old one stood...a new one with a stronger foundation...but just like with a house that is demolished...the clean up work is hard...getting the new foundation poured and built is very hard...but once the house is built and beautiful you can sit back and be proud of your work...
