I know you were around following my stuff when it started 2 years ago.
I am more detached now but I still feel way TO attached in regards to how I am affected after a phone call from her when I know she is off with her BF it is horrible and spirals me down to a black mood even KNOWING that’s what happens... and I try to be "cool" about it, it still messes with me.
I am very clear on this point:
I don't NEED her in my life, I just prefer her over all the other women I have met.
The current direction of things appears very strongly (from my point of view) that if she indeed loves this new guy she will be moving away to be with him to his city.
I am prepared for that should it be the case as it would mean no change in my current sitch EXCEPT:
Where I have a huge issue with this is what happens with our kids and where they will live. This City has been their home for their whole lives, my daughters friends live here, my parents live here and my job lets me take all the time I need to be their Dad. I have changed my whole life around over the past 2.5 years to make sure I can be my kids Dad.
I don’t know what I would do if she was to try and take them to live elsewhere and I could only see them every other weekend.
I believe she feels very much the same way... She has said she feels happy when she is with the kids at her house and empty when they are with me, said with enough emotion for me to believe it.
I have a call into my lawyer and I will ask him what sort of rights I have about where my kids live given that we have agreed to joint custody with my home being the children’s primary residence in the divorce should I put it through. (Nothing "legally" binding in place at this point though just a signed separation agreement between us that we have adhered to for the past 1.5 years)
If the BF should decide to move here to be with her I am emotionally prepared for that turn of events as well.
As a quick Note I fired her off a text message about something funny our Son did this morning: The snowstorm knocked out power to my neighborhood and just before I got out of bed I heard little fingers turning off and on various light switches in the house and when the lights didn't work he exclaimed "OH MY GOD!" was very cute and funny.
I just received a text back from her saying how funny that was. A very small gesture on her part but I appreciated that she contacted me about it. For some reason the Text msg’s from her don’t bother me but the phone calls do… weird…
