Finding it real hard at the moment. Gone semi dark not contacting H at all, ignoring calls and TM if i get them. Only contact I'm having with him is to drop kids off.
Tonight was the first time i dropped them off and came away on my own. Boy was it hard. I sat in car and cried. He brought them back home and just popped in gave kids a kiss and went. H hasnt mentioned anything about the hol since we ended the trial so I am assuming he is assuming he is still going. I think I have to let him as its not fair on him as he paid for it and not fair on kids cos they looking forward to spending the time with him. i myself however am a bit scared for the hols, how am i gonna cope spending 2 weeks 24 hrs a day with him without wanting to reach out and touch him? What about sleeping arangements it look like the kids are gonna have to have the double bed and we take the 2 singles that is gonna hurt real bad.
i just cant seem to get out of this yukky feeling. I'm having more ups and downs than a yoyo.
But as I always say tomorrow is another day and who knows what tomorrow brings
Hugs for now HB
M35 H35 T 14Y M 6Y 2 D 10/14 bomb & M/O 4/2/07 "trying to piece" 1/4/07 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=998053&page=1#Post998053
