Okay, seriously. I don't think I'd describe it as affectionate. I don't honestly know why he does it cuz it gives me a sense of hope and I wonder if it's not false hope. Over the past two years, I know there are times when he tries to make me happy... tried to make me happy. He says he wants to do the right thing and then will talk himself out of it because if I fall into another depression, it will be shame on him. Screw me once, shame on you... screw me twice, shame on me what he says.

Here's something I'm sure we've all questioned. He sounds less tense these days. Just called me again about some business we need to take care of, and then asked how my day was going. But here's my question... if he's less tense, is he gonna think he should stay away forever? That he really IS happier without me? That it was ME who was making him miserable?

Oh and I did the telephone coaching with Chuck last week. He said that fear is not a good thing. He gave an example. He lives in Colorado and you can't go hiking without seeing signs about bears and what you should do if you come across one. He said your fear will tell you to run when that is the exact opposite of what you should do. I for sure let fear run my actions... that and second guessing myself. I can't tell you how much to push either. Honestly, I feel like I'm right on the edge of right and wrong when I tease about spending the night. I try to do it playfully so he won't feel pressured, cuz that's not my intention.

Yuck!! I hate rain. It depresses me. LOL!! I need sun.

I'm happy to have you to chat with, too. Until you go through something like this, NO ONE can understand... no one!! I'm sorry we're both going through it, but at least we're not alone.

Hope your day has been decent anyway!! ;\) I've got the mother of all headaches and need to take something and lay down in the dark. It's the kids first day of vacation and they're trying to kill me, I'm sure.