M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Well, lot's not get confused here. Are we talking about the Nutter Butter bars, the Nutter Butter peanut shaped cookies, or the Nutter Butter Bites (the little round ones, those are for the kids). I can't keep those cookies in the house for more than a day if my H finds them LFL
I don't know what the he!! any of you are talking about but I will take one package of each thank you!
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Choc, I haven't read the boards much lately or even posted as much on my thread as I've wanted....but reading your thread makes me sooo happy for you. Just happy that you seem to have found your voice, that you are addressing the circumstances in your life in a way that will help you create a better future for yourself and Mrs Choc.
I just wanted to say hi and that I am sooo pulling for you.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
Thank you, Heather -- I really appreciate it. There are times when that voice is a wail and a sob, but fortunately those no longer happen in front of the fetching Mrs. Choc. I save my lowest moments for my solo commute and for NOP, neither one of which seem to mind too much.
OK, OK, so I couldn't stay away and I missed you all. Then again I always miss my weird old Uncle Ralph, and all he does is put swizzle sticks up his nose and belch and fart a lot, so don't get all full of yourselves or anything.
An update of sorts:
NOP is working very closely with me, and is a gift from God for which I am grateful. We don't agree fully about how far along the inappropriate flirting/EA/PA path my wife is with OM, but I've become convinced that it really doesn't matter, because
a) The risk is too great NOT to be vigilant; and
b) The Plan of attack is pretty much the same.
And so we're working on me, while being hypervigilant of wife and OM, and that's all I'll get into on that.
Tomorrow I leave for four days for Chciago, where my dad is celebrating his 80th birthday. My wife went out with "the gang" from work again last nite, but this time only stayed out until 11:30 and respected my boundaries of checking in with me throughout the evening. As much as I hate it when she goes, it's been 15 days since she last went out with them, and it gave me a good opportunity to practice my new "Great! Have a good time, and be good, I'd appreciate a call if you're going to be any later" chirpiness and ditching of the needy/grabby.
She is struggling (as am I, obviously). I think she is trying to see if she can create some space, and some independence, for herself WITHIN our marriage, or is Choc. going to freak out every time she wants to go out after work, and keep hammering her about the SSM and the M in general.
And I don't know the answer to that.
I do know it is THE key question for her right now, can she "find herself" WITHIN the marriage, or does she need to flee to find it.
I've also come to the conclusion that I can't answer that for you. So I've left HER to God (while being vigilant), and am instead working on ME and being the best person, dad, and -- to the extent that she will let me -- husband, that I can be.
OK, I know this is a "SSM" message board, and I know what the "S" stands for, so here's what all you pervs have been waiting for, geesh:
I tried to initiate last night. I went to bed with her, instead of falling asleep on the couch like I always used to, or just staying up late on my computer as I've been doing lately. She always tenses up when I do that, she says because "you snore and I can't fall asleep," but I know that's just an excuse for her fear of intimacy and closeness with me.
So I went to bed with her, and I asked her if I could just hold her. She kind of did this "scoff" thing, but then allowed me up close to her, spooning. I held her awhile, and then asked if she wanted a backscratch. She said no, just rub it, which I did, and she said she was sore from working out. I complimented her on her muscles (this is the first skin-to-skin contact I've had with her in MONTHS/... Years??? And then I finally pulled her close to me and said I wanted to kiss her. We kissed. She was TENSE. I kissed her gently on her mouth, on her cheeks, on her forehead, and even though I knew this probably wasn't going to lead to ML, I wanted her to feel some TENDERNESS from me. She finally said "We need to just take this slow." I said "OK, I understand. I just really want to see if we still have something there, and Susan, know that I'm wondering that too, not just you. When you're ready, I'd like to find out." She didn't answer, but said "let's do spoons," and we did, until I finally cooked her out of the place (I am a FURNACE -- all of us Rogers are furnaces, and it's an old joke with us).
Although it didn't lead to ML, I had already said in my mind THAT'S NOT THE GOAL HERE, CHOC. The goal was to show some tenderness to her, and to show her that I could lovingly accept a rejection without getting all pouty like I used to. I made it a conscious point for her to see my lovingness, and my HUMOR, in the 60 seconds IMMEDIATELY after her rejection, and to make sure she saw it from me FIRST THING this morning (the "old Choc." would have woke up grouchy, ignoring her).
Guys, the "alpha" in me wants to "mark her" with my scent before I leave (LOL -- but not really laughing), but I also just want her to feel if "it" is still there for us at all, physically. We always had a GREAT sex life in the old days, and even the quality was great later in our marriage when the quantity wasn't. She is a classic "desire follows arousal" person, but once I got her going, it was always awesome.
It made me sad that we couldn't be together, but I think I did good, and accomplished my two main goals.
You didn't do "good" Choc - you did AWESOME !!!! WTG
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
