Ok I know this is a pain, but this is something for YOU to work on:
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I don't like to offend h because he gets angry. I don't like being snarled at. D has been doing it a lot in the last week. I blew up at her and called her a bitch this afternoon. But I apologized to her a little later. I think I fear anger because my dad was so violent. If we made him mad, he got the belt out or banged our heads together. My first H used to punch things when he got mad. I always worried when it would be me that got punched. My current H isn't violent. He just yells and snarls. Then he sulks.
You will need to get over your fear of ticking off or offending your H. Because seriously, it's not helpful to your marriage if you have to tip-toe around issues. Believe me I understand what this is like too. I grew up with a father who has an explosive temper, I still have a pavlovian response to people screaming (even if it's something as simple as someone screaming at a bad call during a football game). My 1st H was abusive, mentally/physically too...so if I ticked him off there was no telling which way it would go.
I've learned though in this relationship that I had to get things out of my system and that my H was responsible for his reactions and outbursts, not me. If he responded irrationally I've learned to not tolerate it...you can too, it's something that will lead the two of you to a better place in your marriage. It leads to better communication between the two of you too. If he gets offended tell him "I don't see why what I just said offended you, can you explain to me why it does?" Then if he does...listen, closely. If he can't give you an explanation then tell him something like "well, if you're offended that's your problem....it was an honest question. If I knew the answer I wouldn't have asked it." But do these things calmly...don't rise to the bait he throws out there if he gets ticked off or offended....stay calm and collected (not always easy).
Ok...as for the shower thing. Ok so you were using it as an example of sorts, but how about just starting smaller. If you set your alarm for the morning to wake up before him...you've already got a captive audience in bed so how about getting him worked up....and THEN going to take your shower. If he follows you great, if he doesn't then resume when you get out.
