the only way you are going to understand what's going through his head is by...asking
Asking him is very hard. He is very easily offended. He was offended last night when I asked him about not washing each other in the shower. If I ask him if he is avoiding arousal, that will offend him.
I could probably get him to get up and take a shower with me in the morning. I have done that before and he seemed okay with it. I just have to coax him a bit to get out of bed. I am usually awake before everyone else. So ML while the kids are still asleep is good.
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Can you tell me what things are going on in his life outside of your home life?
