last e-mail, after call from W. W called to say, "I think you should go, this is the plan we made and I think you should go". I didn't answer, it went to VM. Not because I ignored it, because I was out of the office for a minute.
Let me know what you think. I tried to be honest, giving and understanding of where she is now, despite how much it sucks to be me.
W, you said I accused you of switching something off. I'm sorry it was heard or taken that way. I'll keep this brief.
Ask anyone I have talked to about this, your mom and dad, my mom or my brother have all asked me about things.
I have consistently said the thing that hurts the most is this; the one person who loved me no matter what, without judgement, in good times and in bad, with money and without, with kids and without, through everything. The one person that loved me without asking me to jump through hoops and earn their approval, I hurt. I trashed that. It wasn't ''switched off" by any means. I carry that everyday and I should. I would do anything, give anything, be anything to bring that love back, to awaken it.
The only thing I can do now is accept where you are and be the best man I can be for my kids and for you.
-me
W had said in a call earlier that I have said she just switched it off. I'm not sure how she heard that. I told her that it's hard for me to keep going to social things as a couple, as we are expected to, yet not act like a couple. I have years of going to these things with her and hanging with her like we are actually together. I said, "how can I just switch that off?, I'm trying but it's not easy to unprogram 18 years of that". W took it as me accusing her of just switching it off one day. I know better than that.
What a crappy day. I gotta get out and do something. It's nice out and I'm stuck inside typing reports?!
