The first being that I am going to present him with a spread sheet of our monthly income/expenses. I will put this spreadsheet in with a letter. In the past .. it's been totally impossible to talk with him about this. Hopefully, if I lay this on the seat of this truck in the morning before I leave for work, he will have had time to read and digest before I get home(??)
I will be showing him how "we" can make it if we did not have the monthly mortgage payment. I would word it like that 'cause in the past it was his monthly take home that would pay our mortgage. Well .. of course, since he hasn't been working .. it's the refi account that is paying that.
I figure that I will state this information very matter of factly .. not pointing fingers in regards to his "throwing away of money" in the past .. just telling him what it "is" now and how would he suggest we fix this?
In my dreams I would like to foresee him realizing that things cannot go on as they have been. That there is no way around it .. he must go back to work. How can anyone keep advocating refinancing as a source of covering his monthly "expenses"? (Basically mortgage and financing his drinking.)
His "answer" to me .. whenever I bring up this "issue" is usually .. basically a tantrum. The last time I spoke to him about this .. he saw it as me saying that we were done. I told him that is not what I wanted .. I wanted things to change. He said that I basically told him that I was not happy with the way things are .. and would never be. (I guess he's right?) He fell into his black hole of depression .. doing some off the wall things .. 'cause he thought we were done.
The other thing that may affect the situation eventually .. I spoke to his psychiatrist. (He only sees this guy for all of his prescriptions) I wanted to make an appointment with him (saying it was for myself .. to keep confidentiality issues) but he suggested I write him a confidential letter stating what exactly has been going on with my H .. indicating that he could not reveal that I had written to him. His doc said that he had a pretty good idea already ..but thought that maybe I would give him more insight.
From this .. I don't know .. would he change his meds .. or tell him that IF he wants to continue getting meds that he must go to some kind of counseling ..? Not absolutely sure what my letter might accomplish. Hopefully, doing this, won't blow up in my face .. ?
And last .. but definitely not least, I'm thinking that I will get myself back into counseling.
