Quote:
He is not ready to work on us and I don't know when and if he will be ready. That is why I think I need to shake things up a bit.
ONLY (yes ONLY) 10 months in is not a long time IF this is MLC.

You have expressed confusion regarding MLC versus Depression. LEt's clear somethng up. MLC IS Depression. Depression permeates the journey. Covert Depression early in and Overt Depression later is the standard--though they cycle and you may see the overt--which is what we usually recongize as depression.

You say you are impatient. So now you know what it is you are meant to work on. And yes, it is fine to stop the contact until he is ready to work on your relationship. But if he is on the mode where he feels he never wants to do that, I wouldn't say that you were not contacting until he's ready. He doens't need to know that's what you are doing or thinking.

But IF this is MLC--it averages 2-7 YEARS. Bomb Drop (7 months ago?) May come half through--or less, but it is usually at the start of Stage 3: Replay.

He is not going to be ready on your timeline, no matter how frustrated you are--it won;t matter. Ultimatums--at least in the beginning--send them running farther away.

You job is to find and focus onyourself. Get A Life--GAL. Figure out what YOU want. If you want to file, do it. But be careful, you may get what you ask for. If you don't want a divorce, I personally don't recommend filing. But sometimes financial needs force that too.

You both were not and are not perfect. He neds space tow rok on himself--in his own way on his own timeline. You may not approve of his methods...TOUGH.

Your job is to work on yourself and the kids. Find your won happiness. If you don't 'fix' yourself, how cna he return someday. A strong and stable mariage needs TWO strong and stable partners.

It's not always easy. But it is easier if you focus on you and find your own happiness. IT becomes easier to detach, easier to become strong, easier to be patient and easier to not react in anger or take his actions personally. It's not easy--just easier.

HUGS,
RCR

PS: Why do you think he's MLC

What is the history..ages etc.

Last edited by Rollercoasterider; 05/24/07 03:21 PM.