It is not because they are running away from a M/R that has problems. They are not living in a fantasy world wherein they dream about leaving their wives and running off with the OW - they usually have no intention of ever doing that.
I get it. They want to have their cake and eat it too. I just feel bad for the other partner (you) who is getting hurt. But you have to decide for yourself where your boundaries lie. My impression was you were not going to leave him no matter what, so why even monitor the phone bills and stuff. That was my point about adding to the "mothering/madonna" problem. LFL
