lonely and tired of caring

[RedHeadWife]

Man, it's so wierd, because I think you could be my H w/ all the things you are saying.

Let's see, H felt he was doing all sorts of things around the house to ease the stress and make things easier for me, but I didn't realize that's what he felt like he was doing. He seems to think that he communicated to me numerous times how unhappy he was, etc., etc., but either he didn't push hard enough OR he really didn't communicate very well b/c I never got it.

Anyway, that's neither here nor there. He also was at the point when he dropped the D bomb that he "didn't want that from me" (sex); he had felt rejected for years in that regard (I honestly did not GET this, but until the D bomb, he never used that word -- NEVER did he sit down and discuss how us not having sex was affecting him). He just seemed to try to figure out WHY I didn't want to or whatever, but truly it was not even discussed that often. He just quietly "took it" and I had no idea what was going on inside his head re: this issue.

I know you feel you have talked to her about all of this, so I'm hopeful the counseling will help you two. Maybe there are other issues that you are unaware of and you guys can just deal w/ it all and hopefully move on and work on getting your M back to a better place.

It can be done. I think my H was exactly where you are and I was able to bring him back from the brink!! And I certainly NEVER plan to forget the lessons learned and allow us to go back to the rut we were obviously in.

Honestly, I don't think our types of 'problems' are uncommon in M's at all. I think most people just give up and D or just ignore it and 'live w/ it.' I can tell you that once I got my act together and realized what I was missing, I'm so very happy that we 'got it together.' Our M/R is so much more fulfilling now.