JustD - Good morning. I think you had a good sign last evening; my H won't even pretend to need to eat, much less come by and plan to sit down. He's so calmly distant these days. I know that much of what he's doing probably connects with a need to "do things alone," but I miss the easy warmth we had at one time.
I've been doing well until the past couple days. Last night I went into town to try to get sneak preview tickets to the Pirates of the Caribbean tonight for my 17yo. I need to not do things like that. I found myself driving out of my way to go past H's house, and instead of driving on home, I stopped. Long story short: we ended up talking civilly about how he isn't having an affair, and he mentioned how some people have asked him how he knows I'm not having an affair . I told him b/c I love him and I wouldn't do that to him. I'm wondering what these people think is going on between us! Anyway, he talks so calmly and patiently, all the time saying he doesn't mind my questioning because he doesn't want me to be "on the spear of my anxieties" of this. I wish I could feel his concern was motivated by love and not guilt or distancing; I just end up coming away from these times with a sinking feeling in my stomach and a huge case of the blues.
I'd hang on to your picture! While mixed feelings, there must be some real comfort in those memories. H&me went overnight to Minneapolis the month before he dropped the bomb, and while I can't help wondering what he was thinking about when we made love -- he had already gone to talk to a lawyer, I found out later -- I do have good thoughts about the evening we spent. I think I knew something was up, though, 'cause I fell into a real deep depression on the way home. At the time, I couldn't say why beyond I had been having emotional ups and downs (now I think they were karmic responses!)throughout the fall.
Have you considered C for your boys? Even just with a pastor, perhaps? Not that, from your description, they sound like they are acting at all abnormal -- I think a little frustration and upset makes sense in these situations. Good friends who know about this stuff were the ones who urged us to get our boys to see a C and I think that at least my 13yo is embracing the chances (he's not angry with us, he says, but angry at the school for hiring teachers he feels aren't smart enough to teach him! We're in trouble with that one! )
And here's a long one in reply to yours. I'm nothing if not long winded!
How's your day looking? More good signs, I hope. Cheers -- Anne
. I told him b/c I love him and I wouldn't do that to him. I'm wondering what these people think is going on between us! Anyway, he talks so calmly and patiently, all the time saying he doesn't mind my questioning because he doesn't want me to be "on the spear of my anxieties" of this. I wish I could feel his concern was motivated by love and not guilt or distancing; I just end up coming away from these times with a sinking feeling in my stomach and a huge case of the blues.
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