I'm not going to give h the above note any time soon. We took a shower together last night. We even got in at exactly the same time. He immediately grabbed his bar of soap and washed himself. He washes himself so vigorously that I am afraid of his flailing elbows. I thought about stopping him anyway and washing him myself. I didn't because I felt that it wouldn't matter. There have been many times that he joins me in the shower and he starts to wash himself. Even if I am almost done at the time, I still wash him--all over. I have to ask him to wash my back. He won't do it unless I ask. If he washes any other parts of me, it is done very half-hearted and skips the sexy parts. We used to take sexy showers together. Now when I ask him about it, he says he's too tired. It has been months since I last asked him. When I asked him last night, he gave me his usual response--"I'm too tired." He said, "Don't make such a big deal out of it." I said, "I don't understand what being too tired has to do with it. If you don't want to have sex afterwards, we don't have to. But if you do, that is fine, too."
Is he avoiding arousal when he says he is too tired to wash each other? Is that also why he doesn't do the things I said in the note I wanted to send? Is there any way around that if it is what is holding him back? Can he learn to touch intimately without worrying about becoming aroused when he doesn't want to have sex? Does arousal have to mean he has to have sex?
