Just to clarify for me: I don't know anything DIRECTLY about the Madonna/WHore issue however my understanding from you two and what I have read is that while it may SEEM similar to the almost stereotypical mother/father roles that many married couples find themselves, it is very different. Especially in that it really isn't based on how you behave but how your H's perceive you. And just by the fact that they married you, you are by default a "Madonna." Like Blackfoot commented elsewhere that GEL's previous boyfriends would not have considered her a Madonna. But then again that is the VERY POINT isn't it?
Now for COG's concern, this doesn't excuse either one of you from having contributions to issues in the marriage. However I would think, and it will be interesting to hear the ST's opinion, that in a true Madonna/Whore syndrome what you do or are (as a wife) has very little to do with how your H reacts to you because it is ALL due to his perception rather than reality, right?
As an analogy, I would see comparing a couple dealing with the Madonna/Whore issue to a couple who has slid into the wife being mommy to the kids and extended it toward her husband as comparing an anorexic's (SP??)body image trouble to a typical woman's body image problem. Both are issues to be dealt with but the anorexic is much mroe complicated and more deeply affected.
Make any sense at all??
Also I understand COG's point but I think heywyre's sitch is not the same as many that are dealing with Walk Aways. Again not so much because of the M/W issue as that her H is NOT walking out the door and has committed to the marriage. Heywyre, IMO, seems to just be taking advantage of the great situation she is in and pushing her H for more transparency which is NORMAL for a couple RECOVERING from an affair.
Anyway, sorry if I am beating a dead horse but I just want to make sure I understand the sitch. I see the M/W issue as separate from a WAS issue although they can and could have overlapped.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
