Locked. Other than AmyC, I think I might be the longest survivng poster at this point. Had a session via phone tonight with D16 at her school in Utah. As you may know, her out of control behavior caused us to pull her out of her public school and send her to a private school for her own well being.
The topic of our separation came up,because counselor wanted to know how D16 felt. D16 first said she was angry at W., but was resolved to it. Then she stated that after the separation, there was somewhat of a relief for her, but she didn't know if it was because W. went out when I was there with them, or because there was no tension. Counselor seemed to had no idea what W.s plans were, and asked if reconciliation might be possible. I did not blame W., and in fact I said, "I hope so, but happy people typically don't leave marriages. I contributed a lot to her unhappiness".
I said to D16 that I thought the separation was a good thing at this point, and I'm not convinced it isn't. It gives all of us a chance to step back and look at the picture. It was tough to sort out the R. from the R. a totally out of control teenager had with her mother. As you recall, they actually would physically fight. The year in Iraq for me will exorcize a lot of demons for me. I've trained for 26 years, and will give this my all, and will be honored to be termed a "combat veteran"
Of course, a big fear for me is that D16 will have the same conversation w/ W. during her session next week, and this will validate W's "need to divorce for the kids"
I guess I can only hope that my W. somehow has a paradigm shift toward M., much as a co-worker of mine did. She filed for D. from H, but told me over 2 years, she came full circle, and just couldn't "pull the trigger". Who knows
