I want so badly to be myself but I feel like I have to walk on eggshells. I just am trying to reconnect with him and it makes me feel like I am on an emotional obstacle course trying to jump this hurdle or climb that wall...it kind of feels like if I can just jump a little higher, I might be able to get over the top but in actuality, it is more like if I can show him that we can be happy together then everything will come back together.
I wish I felt like he actually wanted to spend time with me. I am thinking that my insecurities don't help the situation. I am trying to find a way to spend time with my H that gives me sanity and enjoyment and where I have no expectations. Usually after we spend time together, I just feel more confused.
