Madonna/Whore Part 3

[COG]

Heywyre, GEL,

Wow, you are two immovable objects. I salute your tenacity!

I do not view it as snooping whatsoever. Besides, the ST has already told us they will be discussed "in detail" on our first visit. No sense hiding things now is there?

Hiding things makes sense because you obsess over things like how many women your H has been with. Better to leave the analysis to a professional and allow your heart and mind to be free.

If my H has indeed been with this escort again, I have every right to know, and know NOW!!!

Agreed! I just don't agree on your method.

Remember we are dealing with a man who has W/M, not your average Joe with a normal sex drive towards his spouse.

Yes, I remember, you're the one that explained it to me. The man suffering from W/M sometimes tends to see his W as his mother. That's my whole point. I don't think he should be mothered. Here's the definition YOU gave me:

Such a man will often court women with qualities of his mother, hoping to fulfill a need for intimacy unmet in childhood. Often, the wife begins to be seen as mother to the husband — a Madonna figure — and thus not a possible object of sexual attraction.

considering his track record "IF" he called her while out of town just a couple of weeks ago the chances are very high he also saw the escort.

Well I'm not sure about all the dates, but old posts indicate that he promised to turn over the cell bills on May 4th. If he had called her before that, it would be pretty stupid of him to offer up the cell bill now would'nt it?

Ok, so you've been cheated on...that's good info to have thanks for being honest about that, but your attitude towards cheating surprises me somewhat. Cheating is not "normal" for most couples, not in my perception...not in the perception of many people I know either...so I absolutely disagree with that statement.

Oh don't be so naive. Better check the statistics. I'm counting people who date and cheat on boyfriends also. Now I am in no way saying it's OK, I'm just saying it happens on a regular basis, and far more than you probably think. In terms of the frequency of it, yes very much a normal part of our society, as sick as that sounds, it's normal and prevalent. And no, I have never cheated on anyone, but I have had my heart crushed more than once over a pretty girl who wanted someone else.

Complete transparency means, handing over usernames/passwords to any internet accounts, handing over cellphone/credit card records, accounting for whereabouts (being where you say you will be). Yes, it is very parental...cannot dispute that

Say Alleleuia, that's the point I've been trying to make.

Sounds parental huh? That's because it is.

That's nice, so now your H is transparent, you are secure, but he see's you as his mother and can not have sex with you. I'm no PHd but I can tell you there IS a connection between the way you treat your H, the things you require of him, and the way he see's you in a sexual sense. These things can not be separated in a man's mind. You can not mother him, and expect him to see you as a lover. Mothering in this sense meaning, he does'nt always have to check in but only when you want him too, he is not to be completely trusted, he needs supervision, etc.

It's too much to ask of someone who has been cheated on recently and repeatedly (like Heywyre has) to say "I want her to summon every ounce of courage, strength and faith to move on with her life, let go the fear, the anxiety, the need to control", basically concentrate on his actions now...forget about what he did in the past"...when she's still so close to the raw feelings infidelity brings.

So how much time is needed to get over it? And will it help the current and future sitch to hold on to the fear and hurt?

there is actually someone out there that loves him and is willing to fight for their R, even if it means putting him in an uncomfortable position

Yah well this is not exactly the position I was hoping you'd get him in, if you get my drift.

Gotta run. I love you two women!

COG