Yes - my XW moved her stuff out finally on Sunday morning. As far as I am concerned - good riddance! Unfortunately she will be in my home for a few hours a day until the children finish school which is June 11. I cannot wait for this day. I will be changing the locks at this time.
Life if good for me. I feel a tremendous weight has been lifted and my spirit free to fly again. I have always been a free spririt and really re-discovered myself last year. I felt really good into last year and the early part of this year. But the stress of my XW flip flopping and the potential for disaster in the settlement was horribly stressful. From Feb til just recently when this was final, the stress was really bad. Is my XW going to change her mind again, will she get angry then happy (I think she may be bipolar???), will she dis-respect me in my home again, etc. Once the D was finally completed and her stuff out of my home, I am feeling feel free to fly again Each day gets better and better and better. My life gets better and better every day. While I don't like the idea of hitting bottom, I have come from rock bottom and it is a good feeling to have life shining brightly and getting better every day. I know there will be down days, I would be a fool to believe otherwise. But with each new day comes new opportunities and experiences and a renewed sense of well being that I will be okay. In fact, I will be better than okay - I plan to be great in every way possible. I have so many great people in my life as well to support me and love me. As I said before, I have been truly blessed.
Last night, I made a campfire for the kids. We roasted some marshmallows, the little ones took showers, and then they were off to bed. For me, I went back to the campfire after they went to sleep. I had some things to burn - a few pics, a scrap book I had made my XW before the bomb that I ended up giving her after the bomb, some old travel docs when my XW and I were together, and a few other personal things from my M that I felt it was fitting to burn. It was a pretty spiritual experience. It was not a sad time, it was simply "me time". I watched as these old remnents turned to ash while I drank a few beers, ate some beef jerky, and smoked a cigar under the stars. I said some prayers - thanking God for taking such good care of me always, for my family and friends, for my new life, and yes - I even prayed for my XW and XBIL. I talked to my dad in the stars for a while - asked him for his continued help and guidance from heaven above. Other than the incredible smokiness smell I had all over me from head to foot from combination of the cigar and campfire - it was a good night.
I went in and cleaned up a bit. I even planned a nice dinner for my sister in law and her kids (she watches my kids today), my children, and my wonderful new friend - K. It is one of my favorite meals - Mojo marinated Pork Tenderloin with extra cilantro! I made the marinade last night and started marinating the meat overnight. It will be such a wonderful day - 85 degrees and sunny. Perhaps I will make a salad, some potatoes over the grill, and some sliced summer and zuccini squash. As I said - life for me gets better everyday.
I suppose it is probably time to move onto to a new area of this site. Soon I will head over to the "I am now Divorced" section of this site. Maybe I will just let my thread die - fizzle out into nothingness just as my M has. I don't think I will disappear from here. Perhaps I will let my thread go and continue to try to check in on my friends here. I miss you guys a little and hope you are all doing well.
Okay, rambling now. It's time for me to go. For those of you fighting for your M - fight as hard and as long as you need to. You won't regret it. Just don't be afraid of the outcome. I know I was. But God has taken care of me through out all of this and I was meant to go through what I did for a reason. I will figure this out someday. You will too.
Life moves forward and only God nows what lies ahead. Embrace each as if it was your last and always leave a positive impression on someone when ever possible.
God be with you and the kiddies and your family, and ok, fine K too. (sigh) I am growing up
Hey Lissett - I find it good if we "never grow up". Life is about feeling young and getting those laughs in - just like a kid! My New Years fortune puzzle said "The most wasted day is one in which we have not laughed." So quit trying to grow up already and be the child you were meant to!!!!
Ford - hello. Thanks for the kind words. Many have commented on my outlook on life. It is contagious either way. I find it easier to be positive and upbeat!!!!
SB and Jeff - Good to hear from you both! Yes - Strength and Honor. Don't forget Patience, Love, Hope, Faith, and Believe........ I know for me, I plan to live each day like my last. It is not always easy as sometimes life gets in the way. But I have vowed in my life to not let the urgent get in the way of the important things in life. This is something I plan to do always.
For all those who dont feel as old as they are and never will I rounded first never thought of the worst As I studied the shortstops position Crack went my leg like the shell of an egg Someone call a decent physician Im no pete rose, I cant pretend Though my mind is quite flexible, these brittle bones dont bend
Chorus: Im growing older but not up My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck Let those winds of time blow over my head Id rather die while Im living than live while Im dead
Sometimes I see me as old manatee Headin south as the waters grow colder Tries to steer clear of the hum-drum so near It cuts prop scars deep in his shoulder But thats how it goes (thats how it goes), right to the end Though his bodys quite flexible, that barnacle brain dont bend
Chorus: Im growing older but not up My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck Let those winds of time blow over my head Id rather die while Im livin than live while Im dead
(instrumental)
Now dont get me wrong This is not a sad song Just events that I have happened to witness And time takes its toll as we head for the poll And no one dies from physical fitness So what the hell, well take it right to the end As the days grow more complicated the nightlife still wins
Chorus: Im growing older but not up My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck Let those winds of change blow over my head Id rather die while Im living than live while Im dead Let those winds of time blow over my head Id rather die while Im living than live while Im dead
"I made the wall of shadow draw back, beyond desire and act, I walked on.
Oh flesh, my own flesh, woman whom I loved and lost, I summon you in the moist hour, I raise my song to you."
Thank you so much for this post. Not only am I so pleased to see how well you are doing, it makes me happy to know that happiness will return to my life, too. I am in the process of D now, and I expect the negotiations to be over in two more mediation visits. There is not much left to do. Then we will have Ls look it over - hopefully no problems - and file it. I think I will feel better when all that is done.
Love to you and your loved ones (all of them, lol)
Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
