\:\) Wow - thanks GEL for the words of support AND encouragement.

I really do feel as though I/we have made great strides the past couple of weeks and it was VERY difficult but we have got to a point where I don't want to back down and start all over again. I need to be able to trust him and, like you said, considering his repeated behaviour and crushing of the trust I once had, this is crucial in rebuilding my trust. Heck, H even said so last night that it might take 1� years or more of checking his cell bill and/or visa and he's "ok with that, if it will help you trust me again". He even said he was skeptical that I could ever "totally trust" him again but that is a "chance" he has to take to save our M.

Yes, he's still defensive and I don't blame him. I am putting him in a place he is not used to - transparency. But I had to be put in a place many times over that I wasn't used to - someone lying right to my face. I think that is a LOT worse than transparency by a longshot

Yes, he's still controlling - he's been like that all his life and can be VERY stubborn

Yes, he's feeling vulnerable - but he even admitted as strange as it feels, he's okay with it because we have moved to another level in our R

So, the positives definitely outweigh the negatives in this situation and I think once this is dealt with, it will be extremely beneficial to not only me to gain the trust back, but also to my H to confirm in his mind that all women are NOT "the same" and there is actually someone out there that loves him and is willing to fight for their R, even if it means putting him in an uncomfortable position

Heywyre

M - 57
H - 65
1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02
2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06
together 21 years
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Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)