How do I know if it is MLC

[bright 2 morro]

I am having a really bad day. I had plans to go away for the weekend with the kids. Then my H called and asked if he could take them away for the weekend. I told him I already had plans and he told me to cancel them. I fought with this all day. I finally had to give in. uuuuuugggggghhhhhh. Why do I have to give him his way.

I am so done with all of this. I want to rewind the clock and start over eliminating all of this. If I can not even make it through 7 weeks how can I make it 2 or more years.

I miss him so much and love him way to much. I can not be hurt anymore especially since there are no guarantees.

I need to not be lonely anymore. I need someone and he does not want to be it. He just feels like everything he is doing is ok. Because he feels that we were not good together I guess that is it.

At this point I am questioning the whole MLC thing. He is trying to be nice to me just to get what he wants. He still has the ow and thinks he is in love (or maybe he is in love). Not sure how this could happen after 7 1/2 weeks after leaving me and 5 1/2 weeks with her.

Today I am having some pretty tough feelings. I am fighting them but I keep thinking that they are the way to stop this hurt. I know these feelings are wrong for the kids but I do not feel that I can go on like this. (ps. I probably would not act on them).

I also feel like I have nobody to help me through this. Nobody can tell me what to do. All I ever get is "it is your decision to make".

I screwed up with H today. I gave him a somewhat hard time when he asked to take the kids. When I told him yes I should have used different words. But the hurt was showing through. I can not control it. I called him back to apologize to him for not being more enthusiatic about him taking the kids. And then I broke out in tears. He told me he did not want to hear me cry.

WHY AM I SUCH AN IDIOT!!!!!