Husband, good point I was the only person sitting at the table when she showed me her beaming smile.
I have actually gotten to the point where I do not take what she says to personally. It still hurts. But I know that I am a great guy with a lot to offer her and to our girls. I just have to get better at loving her from afar and supporting her in ways that are not overly obvious. I also need to get a life for me and my DD's to share.
Little update on my new car. I should be getting it either tomorrow or thursday. I am really hoping to pick it up tomorrow so I can give my 5D a ride in it after her preschool graduation cermony. Also, my DD's and I are going away this weekend with a few of my friends and their families. It should be a great time, though I am not looking forward to the 5 hour drive. But the drive might not be so bad in the new ride. I do plan on taking a ton of pictures so I can show my W what she missed out on. I do not think this will change her heart but might give her a little more to think about. -ERC
ETRC Don’t rub it in about the good time you will be having. When my son and I get back from his baseball game I do make an effort to talk with him about the fun things we did and what happened. Of course she can hear this. I think if you actually tell her about the good times is still makes her part of them. But If she over hears about them she is still really left out. It’s a slow process but I do think my W is missing the times my son and I have. Of course I am saying this now and when I get home my day may take a turn but I am trying to learn that I am the one making turn bad. With my mind. Thinking sad thoughts. I am getting better but like I said I still feel down once in a while. I like to read the sitchs here that are making progress an I gives me hope. I miss my other wife so much. It’s hard not showing the one that she has turn into my affection. I want to hold her and hug her I want to call her right now but I’m not. I need to make her want me. But I know if I take to big of a step to soon I’ll be taking 3 steps back. Stay strong.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I now own a new car.... I signed all the paperwork last night and should pickup my car today. My 5D and I are both excited about it.
I went to IC last night and am scheduled to go one more time in 3 weeks. My counseler believes that my W is emotionally burying me so that D me is easier on her emotionally. I agree she is lieing to herself believe a false reality about our R. I am now of the mindest that she can believe and feel the way she wants, I will not invalidate her feelings or get defensive. But I am going to be much more assertive with her and let her know that she is lieing to herself. For example, the next time my W tells me she is at peace when she has no connection to me, I am going tell her: Yeah, that is because you can more easily ignore the lies you are telling yourself when I am not around, that would put me at ease. Knowing you if you truely are on your own you will either get bored quickly and fall back into depression. Or you will soon come to the realization of the huge mistake you made by disposing our R without truely trying to make it work.
My 5D graduates pre-school tonight which should be fun. I am looking forward to her ceramony tonight. Because of the kids ages it should be short.
The OMW called me again last night around midnight to inform me that our S where together. I told her that I did not care and was going back to sleep. The funny thing is that my W walked in the door from work or her date 15 minutes after the phone call. Who knows if she was right or just being paranoyed.
I have not contacted the OM wife. I could but I have not. My feeling is (at this time) what is happening between them is not my concern. My only concern is my R. With my W. Try not to let the OMW give you more things to worry about or be concerned about. Your last statement: “Who knows if she was right or just being paranoid?” Keep thinking like this. Is the right mind set?
Stay strong
H
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Yeah, that is the attitude that I am taking. Who really knows, and who really cares at this point.
I have not intiated contact with the OMW, she is the one who calls me. I know talking to her will only get me worked up for no good reason, that is why I do not call her. I do have to admit talking to her has shown me how big of a loser her H really is. I did however call her once to confirm a timeline/story the day that I asked my W to leave the house. Other then that one time I have not called her, she has called me.
Just recieved an email from my W. She is concerned about how can I afford to buy her out of 1/2 our house, pay for child support and pay for the new car. I emailed her back saying this is something that I am going have to figureout for myself and that our girls needs are put before mine. This lady is hell bent on D. She is acting like there is no confusion in her mind anymore and that marrying me was a mistake. She is nolonger appears to be on the fence, she is on the otherside of the fence checkingout their grass.
Why don't they think of these things before putting everyone through divorce? It would be so much better on D if the family would stay together, not to mention the both of you. This takes a toll not only the financial situations, but also the mental situation.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
No kidding..... The crazy thing is I most likely can afford to buy her out and keep the house. I am hoping that by me keeping the house I will have a better chance of getting the girls primary residence with me. Who knows, even if she filed tomorrow I have time to figure it out.
Rightnow my attitude has changed to that my W doesn't deserve me. If she wants to stay she is going to have to win me back. I want my family intact but she is going to have to prove that this BS is over and that she is all in before my arms are opened up to her again.
There are so many times that I have thought the same thing about my H not deserving me. Don't get me wrong I have several faults and I have apoligized for my problems in the marriage. I consider myself better than the things he has put me through. My head tells me that, but it is taking a little longer for the heart, but I'm definitely getting stronger.
It sounds like your W is at the same place my H is. He still hasn't shown any remorse. I know without remorse it will not work. Don't get me wrong I have seen hurt in his eyes when we talk, but he never comes out and says let's work on this, I'm sorry. Who knows if that will ever happen? That's why we have to get on with our lives. We will be better people no matter what happens. We have stood for our familes.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
