I understand what you are saying (i.e. looking for things to obsess about) and the context from which you are referring to Michelle's opinion on "Snooping" and affairs. However HeyWyre and her H are past the point of Michelle's INTIAL position on "snooping" and Heywyre is not looking for issues to obsess about. If you read further in Michelle's book where she addresses the wayward spouse (Betrayer) that has come back into the marriage (a la Mr. Heywyre), she explicitly tells the Betrayer that they MUST be transparent to the betrayed spouse. So Heywyre is right in ensuring that she has knowledge that her H has completely given up on the past affair.
The issue she and her H seem to have to deal with, still, is the fact that her need for the phone records are NOT a punishment for her H. Her H seems to not understand that viewing the phone record is a way of reassurance for Heywyre - both in that she can see no calls have occurred AND that her H is truly interested in caring for her feelings and needs - and is not retribution for his transgressions.
My opinion as always.
Heywyre,
I really do not think your H understands clearly that reassurance and caring is behind your need for the phone records and not for punishment or retribution.
At this point would it be worthwhile to wait and discuss in your counseling session???
Good luck
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
