Since Corri thinks I should have my own GD POV, I will take a contrary position to what everyone here is telling you. Your email may have been a little too much, because it has some resentment in it and it has a demanding tone to it, but you are ticked off and I see no reason to hide that from her. You are being honest. She is as responsible for this mess and you and her action create consequences too. Your anger is one of those consequences.
I think the advice given so far is wrong because it is geared toward a woman who is does not have issues with engulfment. IMO, your wife gets overwhelmed by intimacy, so she runs. What she really wants is to be chased. Your distancing over the years is what drove her away. I don’t understand why everyone is advising more distance.
Her discomfort arises with your pushing, your chasing, so that is exactly what you should do because her defense are to protect what she really wants. In this way it is counter-intuitive. This is a FOO issue for her, she has built defenses because of that, those defenses are what keep you out. That said, TOO much pushing can be harmful. There needs to be a balance. So understanding what makes her tick, understanding her FOO, is highly important. Getting a good grasp on that is not easy since you are chasing shadows. It may feel to you and others that I try to ram this through, but with some people like your W, is there another way? But I could be wrong, its just my GD POV.
