I know what you mean about the "talking him out of the marriage" feeling. I have had to just let go of my own panic that the "singles" that he is hanging around -- people who I know but who haven't known "us" as a couple as much as the really good friends we have who are trying to be neutral -- are doing the same thing. (The guy whose house he shares had his relationship of 7y break up just a month ago!)
While this sounds like being naive, I am believing H at his word that he's not having an affair and that the people he knows aren't working against our marriage. Even so, in the past months, he has had 'someone' (he won't tell me who) finance a cell phone for him who has said this is a phone to talk to our sons but not me... (I know, it sounds like potential OW) While I may just be playing ostrich, I've decided I'm just not wanting to jump on that rollercoaster of emotions too by questioning what else might be up. I've decided to work on just taking him at face value and if the worst is happening, that he will decide my not responding is enough. I don't know. This is all such murky territory.
Anyway, I go on. I think I need to dance tonight. How long does it take to drive to your place from Iowa?
