I can totally understand the feelings you have about this. He should be transparent and that would make all your fears go away. I doubt it because you'll just create some new things to obsess about!
Regarding the number of women he's been with. Holy cow, can you cut the man a break? First of all, looking at his answers without his direct permission was snooping. Just like a mother would do. Secondly, who cares? It was before you were M. It's water so far under the bridge that is not water anymore it's dust.
Regarding the cell phone bill. Holy cow again. You are dead right about seeing that bill. There's not a courtroom, or country kitchen in the world that would say otherwise. But think about it, think real hard, and real clear. Do you want to be his mommy, or his lover because you can't be both? Do you want complete security, complete control, without uncertainty because that is'nt very sexy.
I realize that I'm totally against the grain of what everyone else is telling you here. But ask yourself some questions. Why do you really need to see that cell bill? What will you do if you find out he's called her? What good will it do to know? Will you leave him, further critisize him, put a bar of soap in his mouth, what? How will seeing that bill improve your ST?
Consider this. What if he did call her when he was in town there? What if he fell, broke down, and called her? What if they talked about how each other were doing, how the kid's were, how they've moved forward in life? What if he came away from the convo thinking, "wow, I've really moved past this. I really need to take good care of Heywyre. Lord I am so sorry I hurt her and put her through this. What a dope I've been." Then he comes home and starts therapy, moves on to ST. His heart and mind are open to healing, growing, and learning to love his woman, his Heywyre. But the question remains, "has she changed"?
I know you've been burned already. I know how much you want security in your M. I think you will have far more success by allowing your H to be who he is, and love unconditionally, than by forcing him to bend over for body cavity searches. Think from a logical perspective, and don't fall prey to the emotions.
Just my humble and probably insenstive but honest opinion.
Love,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
