jeez there is def. a pattern. we should run for our lives what are we thinking even caring?
lets see my wife and hewr history.........
-born to 2 young partying parents -mother leaves family numerous times during early childhood because of drugs -mom and dad divorce -mom marries new guy who helps raise my wife while doing so he sexual abuses my wife. wife tells mom and mom does nothing but put lock on bedroom door, doesn even question her husband -fbi raids wifes house when she was young and bust her stepdad and mom for making and selling crystal meth -while this going on real dad is very loving but is a terrible alchoholic. he was never told of abuse. -wife goes on too be first family college graduate but shows a real zest for the party life. -wife gets engaged and calls it off 2 weeks before wedding. -i meet wife live together for 2 great years and get married -wifes father dies suddenly 1 month after wedding. -wife starts drinking too much, i give her hell for it and she decides she wants a sep, says it is only temp. but she runs further and further and pushes me away further and furher.
what was i thinking she hid all these problems under the most beautiful smile u have ever seen. seemed fine until her dad died.
You know, as I look back I wonder too. I distincly remember the conversation we had before we got married when W told me that she had been married twice rather than once. She said it with such remorse and such outward appearing pain that I immediately was more worried about her than anything else. I remember asking if there were any other deep dark secrets i should know about and she told me no. Somehow I think I knew there was more and I just didn't have the heart to ask. I didn't want her to hurt anymore. There she was playing the victim to my rescuer already and I didn't have a clue I was being played. Then again...even if I did, I never would have expected the stuff I've learned today and in the last few months.
Stand up for what is right, even if you are standing alone.
My thoughts on my ring is simply that I am still married and in spite of all the garbage at the moment would choose to continue to be married and help W through whatever. I am staying true to myself and to what I believe is right. I figure that staying true to myself is the best way for me to be an example for my kids too. So my ring stays on until I have a legal reason to take it off.
Stand up for what is right, even if you are standing alone.
Oh....and got confirmation of the MIL/1st husband story (as described in an earliier post) from a friend of his that former wife gave me earlier today. Yikes what a mess.
Stand up for what is right, even if you are standing alone.
My thoughts on my ring is simply that I am still married and in spite of all the garbage at the moment would choose to continue to be married and help W through whatever. I am staying true to myself and to what I believe is right. I figure that staying true to myself is the best way for me to be an example for my kids too. So my ring stays on until I have a legal reason to take it off.
My W took off her rings in Dec of 2006, said the cold weather was making her fingers shrink and the rings too big. I bought it. She never put them back on. The few times I asked her about it, she got very defensive and never wore them again. I wear mine all the time, as I did before, as a reminder of what I have to do to be a great man, a great dad, and a great husband.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
On the personal front, I have been laying the groundwork for winning any potential custody dispute. It was suggested that showing W as having a consistant pattern of unstable relationships and problematic behaviors would significantly help my case. To do that I have been trying to get a clear picture of her history. I knew that her first husband had been killed in an auto accident a few years ago and had been trying to find his widow. I found her today. She said he didn't talk a whole lot about his first marriage (to my W) but he did talk about a few.....things. She told me that before he and my W could get married, he had to sleep with W's mom "so she could be sure he would be a good husband for her daughter". I almost dropped the phone. W has denied that there was any sexual abuse even though she is a textbook case and then I am told this and......oh my, I don't think there is any question now. Now I just have to figure out what to do with all of this.
Well, had a night to sleep on all of this and still have no idea what to do with it. Strangely though its almost comforting. As much as I want my marriage to work, I now have a lot of information that helps explain why W is the way she is. Ideally she will see all of this and get the help she needs but if not I think I have the info I need in a custody situation and confirmation of my W as a somatic narcissist. I now understand the little voice in the back of my head that has been uncomfortable with some of the things W has done and the sexual undertone to many things.
I would like an opinion....D9 had a birthday party a few weeks ago. W set up a version of pin the tail on the donkley where she put lipstick on the girls and had them kiss a poster of Johnny Depp/Orlando Bloom from Pirates. Does anyoe have an opinion on this game? Ok? not ok? what do you think?
Stand up for what is right, even if you are standing alone.
Yep, you win. That's not a good thing, by the way!
Do you need some "expert" to validate your claims? I mean, I don't think the judge will necessarily believe you in a custody dispute. It's just they tend to be so biased towards the mom, even the facts might not matter. Especially if it's essentially heresy on your part. Maybe Tom knows more.
On the kissing game, it sounds pretty harmless. I was never a 9yo girl, but I can see some kids doing that, though I'm not sure any of the moms we hang with would have come up with it.
built4speed My Saga "How others deal with the gifts you've given is not your decision, but theirs." - Richard Bach
we will definitely be doing psych evaluations if we end up in court and I already have one therapist that will testify that she is a wreck. Yes, some of this is hearsay but between the hearsay and the facts I think I can show a pattern and hopefully that will be enough. The courts here say they don't necessarily favor the mother (although we can guess how true that is) but rather the primary caregiver. I think its a given that I can show I have been the primary caregiver for at least the lat year while's she's been in school and probably longer than that.
I'm fairly certain that the worst I can do in court is a split time agreement and that is what she is talking about now
Stand up for what is right, even if you are standing alone.
Actually B4, what I'm hoping is that if I throw all this stuff at her at some point one of two things will happen...it will hit her so hard she will decide to get help(unlikely) or she will realize she doesn't want all this stuff plastered everywhere in a public record and will decide to stay away from a fight and take the deal I already said I could live with.
Stand up for what is right, even if you are standing alone.
Okay, the kissing game...its on the edge. Im not a Mom but, I wouldnt have done that myself, I mean your D9 is still a baby. Girls have plenty of time for boys.
Is wife willing to get some help? Has she ever gone to see someone?
Okay, Ive been thinking about a few things....Need your feedback. H is coming by in the morning for breakfast and possible movie before his shift starts and the casino. I got really mad this week because, he said that his brother was coming into town for the day. That he would come by the following day. So, I started thinking about trying another approach and etc. So, I worked by butt off to clear my schedule and got some great tickets from work for baseball. Well, he calls and says his brother has decided to stay another day and wants to spend the time with him. I just got really pissed ya know. I mean he didnt know I had done all that. Did I over react? I mean we are seperated...so, Im regrouping a bit. Thinking about just putting my ring on and see if he notices.
What do yall think?
Me: 40 H: 39 M: 17 yrs - Together 18 1/2yrs No kids Seperated: May 18, 2006 EA/Poss PA with OW for 6 months prior to leaving. 2nd Bomb dropped: Dec. 23, 2010
