Can you help the Brue my friends? PLEASE READ.

[brueniap]

Santhony!

How sweet of you to check up and see how things are going!

They go!

This is not easy - but it's ok.

I find that my biggest problem is me hanging on to all the wonderful things I learned while he was gone. You see - I was not ready for him to come home yet. I actually wanted him to stay away a bit longer.

But I felt that I had placed it in God's hands and He was saying let him come home.

After a few weeks I'm now starting to gain "me" back and put that back into place to remain the person I had become. I like that person. God was working miracles in me the likes I had never seen in my whole lifetime.

priceless.......you have no idea.

H is still moving thru whatever he needs to move thru. I know, and he has admitted as much - that he feels that time is not on his side for trying to get this "music" life going. He knows his age is definitely working against him.........and so he is still very much "it's all about me" and "I can only think about me in all circumstances".

the part that bothers me about that is that he's losing out on so much that could be happening by having that attitude.

because when you reach out to others in a loving and giving way.....they are far more attracted to being with you.

his having to do it all on his own, his way, the hard way, and in many selfish ways..........only backfires on him. He loses more time rather than gaining it.

ya think i'm gonna tell him that? hell no. He'll have to figure it out on his own.

I still have to be very, very careful how to say things to him - but we can communicate - and I see him trying harder with me on that end.

my H didn't like being alone........and found that no one really wanted to be with him as he had possibly hoped. i think he also knew that i really did support his efforts.

but life is still insane.

and we are still wondering where the next dime will come from.

but i am choosing to get back into grasping on to the hand of my precious Lord who knows how to work all things to the good for each of us.

we are the ones who thwart the efforts of our own lives!

what idiots we can be..........oh well.........all part of the growing process.

I still love the challenge of making a better me. I was just caught off guard for a few weeks of h's rentry into my life.

we'll get the hang of this as the days go by.

hope you are well Santhony and enjoying a new and wonderful life for yourself. You have so much to offer someone very special someday. Ah..........if only I were younger........and single...I'd be hitting you up myself. You are a fine catch!!

brue