Happy Together at Long Last!!!

[Rob1231]

Jenny, darling, I'm sorry to hear you feeling so down. However, I think this is more about your reaction (what YOU can control, right?) than about his action (what you CAN'T control, right?)

Let's go back to the beginning here. You said,

H wants to give up smoking, in fact he's adamant about it. So far, so good. he says he feels unhealthy and has problems breathing. he says he feels bad. He has his constipated face back on. He then thinks "all the other things" will fall into place - by this I am assuming he means the fact he wants to ML only once in a blue moon and then if I'm lucky.

First of all, it seems like you both agree that H's smoking is impacting his health and is making him feel physically bad much of the time. You agree that him stopping is a good idea, and you understand that stopping is difficult, and will make him irritable.

OK, so here's what I want you to do. Even though H has kind of led you down this path, DON'T make his stopping smoking be about the R or about you. Be supportive and be understanding. Don't leap to conclusions. If he is crabby, just say to him "I understand this is tough and I'm going on a walk, I'll be back when you are feeling better." Don't take it personally, because his feeling bad is not about you.

Next, regarding the ML issue you raised. Well, let me ask - is it possible that he's right, that feeling physically bad himself IS hampering his sex drive? That seems very possible to me, although I doubt that's the whole story. However, let's give him the benefit of the doubt and agree with the idea that it IS a part of the problem.

And even if there are more issues to deal with (hey, this ML stuff can be complicated, right?) - well, if he's taking one step to try and improve things, assume that's the beginning of something GOOD, not something bad! Thank him for taking that step, and ACT AS IF there will be more steps.

Do your best to encourage and support him in this. I'm not saying that for H, though - I'm saying it for YOU. Get your PMA back in gear, my dear!