I need to make a couple of things clear here, since I have been obsessing over this somewhat, and I may have given the wrong impression.
He is her trainer, and in this lifestyle that includes a certain amount of contact. If he only calls her once every couple of days (unless she is deleting the calls; I'll know that on the 27th after my cell phone bill cuts), and not at all hours, and they don't talk very long. What can I accuse either one of them of?
The text messages have either stopped, or she's learned to delete them. I have started checking them NOT just at the end of the day anymore, but several times throughout the day, just to mix it up, and I've found none since Sunday, when my gut told me she was going to see him to tell him either to "cool it" or "I can't do this, I have to work on my marriage."
Her hours are accounted for. Again -- I'VE CHECKED. Each time she has said she was going to be somewhere, she's been there, that I've been able to tell (I obviously can't follow her, but there are no "gaps.")
She's written him no letters from her computer. I've checked both her personal and her work e-mail account, and have found nothing.
There are no OM notes in her planner, her purse, or her workout bag.
She's no longer searching "Older/Younger Relationships", and has never searched "Affairs" or "Infidelity". My wife has ALWAYS done web searches on whatever's weighing on her mind.
(She's also not exactly searching "how to work on your marriage" other than that one time.)
She has gotten neither extremely angry with me, nor strangely serene -- both of which would concern me.
No, she is instead displaying all of the earmarks of someone who is CONFUSED, who has put WHATEVER it was the two of them were thinking either OFF, or ON HOLD, until she can figure out her feelings for me, and what she wants to do with her marriage. SHE IS STRESSING, BIG TIME.
This could all change tomorrow, but this is what's going on right now. Yes, OM may be my biggest immediate threat, and it's certainly the part of this that I haven't been able to get out of my mind, but I do NOT think it's my biggest PROBLEM right now.
My biggest problem is, that my wife doesn't know if she has any feelings for me anymore, and doesn't know if she's mentally or emotinonally prepared (or even wants) to go thru the long, hard work necessary to repair our marriage. She's romanticizing divorce, and possibly even has some "self-sabotaging" going on. She has her defenses up, and she's started to dig trenches.
And I need to reach her, before it's too late, while protecting my family AND working on me, AND working on my finances.
