Have a break in the schedule so wanted to pick up where I left off this AM. I have heard a lot that everything we have done has been for my dreams. Unfortunately, the financial benefits haven't really come in yet. First med school debt then practice buy-ins, and now buying office building have made it seem like we'll never get ahead. I know this adds to her stress. However I also don't know how we could get out. This is the bad part of medicine--you can't really get ahead til you are almost 50. I definitely do not want any of my children to live this life. I was always the person who would take the gap in the call schedule to make sure everything stayed smooth--always have been told that I put that ahead of family. It is part of the training, and hard to not do so.
I am definitely not romantic but have been trying to plan dates and arranging child care (even closing office to cover for her work). You discussed the sex life in your post. Once things started downhill, she had no desire and led to lot of fights about it. Sex was never satisfying for her, and ultimately I got ED issues. She now says that made her feel unloved and undesirable. I got depressed at start of year and am now on meds.
In the past year my wife has lost 80 pounds. She never felt she had the ability to exercise after children and subsequently got up to 225 lbs on 5'2" height. She now feels that the trainer is the man that made her happy again. I can't argue with that, but I feel I have changed a lot to made her succeed. Now that she has lost the weight, she is focused on looking perfect. I have to constantly tell her she looks great and doesn't look 40. She is focused on getting to goal weight, so she can get a tummy tuck and breast lift. I'm not against any of this.
I am trying to be the best husband I can be, but I don't feel I'm getting anywhere. I understand at least some of my problems in the past. What I don't see is that she has any desire to move beyond the past. She is focused on what she has "lost out" on. Slap me some more, but give me suggestions to help me get us back to "happily married" again. That is what I want most right now.
