My heart has been completely torn apart

[I_Surrender]

Pardon me for venting, but I have read a number of threads where there is a shouldering of responsibility for PA & EA on the spouse that engages in this, as opposed to the OM or OW.

VENT:
I respectfully disagree. Yes there is a responsibility on the spouse who engages in this, but the OM or OW must shoulder their share of the responsibility as well. They may care for the thrill of the PA, but their view of the world around them is a narrow one. It will backfire, eventually.

I know that if I was a single man, I could not bear the thought of causing pain to a child or family by having a PA with a married woman.
I have been in situations where this was possible, I just don't think an honorable person engages in this.
Further to that, I believe those stupid enough to leave their SO for their PA are in 9 times out of 10 doomed to have a relationship which fails simply because it came together as a foundation of mistrust, deceit, and a failure to communicate in the earlier relationship.

If it was not for the fact that doing this would directly distance my W from me, I would have no regrets in taking it up physically with the OM (2 cases.)

That being said, I hope to address my anger issues when I go to counseling. I know that it is a lose-lose scenario.

I know now, that with the situation I am in now, I could get a D, I could look to foster a relationship with someone new as soon as I like. I also might feel justified in doing so right now ie. "I didn't start it", "it's not my fault."

First of all, I am not interested,
second, I would consider my position and what I would be able to offer any person which I had a potential R with, as emotionally unstable and limited.
third, I would above all consider the potential affect on my family

I am not perfect, I know. I also know I can look in the mirror and see the person, I want to see.