Are you ever lighthearted or funny with your wife?
CeMar, I may be way off...but I do have an impression of you as a humorless type of person. It's just the impression I've formed from your posts, is that accurate? Kind of dry witted? Don't laugh much? Don't smile much? Or are you actually really fun to be around and it just doesn't come across here?
If you are the overly serious type of person, who doesn't show much humor or lightness...that can be very hard to cozy up to, especially after awhile.
I'll use my H as an example on that. When we first met he was so much fun, he'd laugh and joke with me. When we married he suddenly became so serious all the time. I remember telling him "you never smile, you always look so angry". He always looked like he had the weight of the world on him....that always made me feel pushed away, like he didn't want me near him.
Now, since we've worked through many issues he is a much lighter, happier looking person...he feels much more approachable.
He stayed patient with me. He never criticized me. He cherished me. When I just couldn't do something... he'd give me a hug, a big dopey grin, and say... well... no big deal, let's watch a funny movie.... or go do something else... and off we'd go. He'd make me laugh, and little by little, the confidence I had lost in myself began to grow again.
Sorry, I can't remember who it was, but to whoever said that first and also to the rest of you girls who agreed with it, thank you, thank you, thank you.
I think you've all just vocalised *exactly* what my wife needs me to hear.
After a week of crap kissing, it went by the wayside. It is really tough for someone whose love language is NOT physical touch to really be able to speak physical touch in a convincing manner.
As for the lighthearted, that is completely gone anymore. Its more the walking on eggshells. Everything is serious. It is reall hard to be light hearted when there is no cuddling, no handholding, no kissing, no flirting, nothing physical in nature. It is exactly the way Michelle describes in chapter one, all the fun is gone.
"You don't make me laugh anymore" has been my wife's SINGLE BIGGEST COMPLAINT each of the last three confrontations we've had over the past several years!!!
But it's a damned-near-impossible chicken-and-egg, as CeMar points out. She doesn't want to be intimate with you, because you're grouchy and humorless; you're grouchy and humorless because she never wants to be intimate with you.
Personally, if my very future -- and my kids' future -- weren't at stake here, I don't think I could pull of the happy, humorous moments I've managed to drum up the past week, and even then, I'm only succeeding half the time.
As for the lighthearted, that is completely gone anymore. Its more the walking on eggshells. Everything is serious. It is reall hard to be light hearted when there is no cuddling, no handholding, no kissing, no flirting, nothing physical in nature. It is exactly the way Michelle describes in chapter one, all the fun is gone.
I understand why you say this, but this in and of itself is enough to keep her from approaching you the way you want. I speak from my own experience with this. As an HD woman, this type of attitude (overly somber/serious) is enough to push me away CeMar when my H behaves this way, this attitude would tell me "get away from me, don't come close"...as an LD woman how do you expect that your W would overcome it if it would push an HD woman away?
I went back to edit my other post but it was too late.
Basically you have become stuck in a vicious cycle CeMar.
I want to remind you...You have yet to tell us what you have SAID to your W about how you feel. I do not see you getting out of this vicious cycle to a better place without talking to her about your real feelings, inside.
