My wife seems so distant, so cold. She's irritable. I've been annoyed with her for seemingly not caring, or trying as hard (or in the manner) that I am, but today is the first day since our lunch convo at Olive Garden that I have felt some genuine compassion for her. I think that's good?
She must be horribly upset. She finally gets one part of her life going (her career) after 20 years out of the workforce, and is really feeling good about that, and then both of her daughters tell her they're moving out of the house, and she's staring a mini-empty-nest in the face with the three people she has invested the LEAST with, emotionally.
Especially her husband.
And now he drops THIS on her.
Still, it had to happen, I know.
Instead of drawing near, she is creating distance. Instead of starting to work at it, she's preparing herself for if/when we are apart (the comments about "I need to make more money.") I've noticed that she is making the boys do more for themselves (which, at 14 and 10, GOD KNOWS should have happened a long time ago, but she's NEVER done that!).
I think she's "sabotaging."
Although all of my focus has been on her, and HER focus is always on her, I think it has totally freaked her out that I would:
a) Confront her to begin with;
b) Tell her that I cannot live in an affection-less marriage much longer (we've had "The Talk" a half a dozen times in the 20+ years of our marriage, but I have NEVER stated it that way before... credit SSM!);
c) Tell her that I thought we needed to put a time limit on seeing some progress, and that my time limit was as short as "the summer";
d) That in the MIDST of all of that krap, that I would -- what -- restate my love for her? Is he serious??? He's THIS pissed, THIS sad, THIS done with the apathy and distance, but yet he ALSO recommits himself to me, to fighting for me, and now he's IN THIS FREAKING GOOD MOOD most of the time??? WTF????
I think I have thrown her off-center. And I think that's a GOOD thing.
