HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[LisaLost]

Well God sure knows how to get his point across.

I posted this morning about filing myself- I do think I am in the wrong forum- I need to find one that I fit in better I guess.

Anyway- I get this text while I am trying to figure out some sort of fair visitaion schedule to put into the paperwork

H: I am sorry I have had a bad last few days- have a good day - let things rest a little- you never know


Ok so I am taking that as I don't need to be rushing this filing. Does anyone see it any different?

Any sugestions as to which forum I would fit better in?


Thanks love,Lisa

[princess_nic]

Lisa,

I'm guessing you don't think this is MLC after reading the resources. If that's the case, then I'd suggest the separated forum.

I think the text from him is a good sign; I know you don't want to be going through this again, but really, it's just an extension of what already happened. I know that's cold comfort, but I really think it's not so much an "again" situation as the fact that you didn't resolve your issues as a couple the first time.

Love,
N

[kml]

I think this forum is just fine, even ifg it's not true MLC, your H's wacky behavior is most similar to some MLCers, so I think you'll find the voices with the most similar experiences here.

Your H, in my eyes, keeps asking for you to stay the course. He's confused but knows he wants his family, doesn't want to divorce right now, wants you to be nicer to him. I think he just got depressed and overwhelmed with work, new baby, and feeling neglected by you as your attention naturally turned to new baby. If you can just calm down, be kind, work on yourself, and wait out your postpartum hormonal issues, I think this can still be resolved.

Granted, you may still decide you don't want to forgive him for abandoning you in your time of need. I can understand that. But your H clearly is NOT well - you might see this as HIS "time of need" as well. Why not just give yourself 3 months to do nothing. Divorce is a pain, full of awful paperwork and stress, even if it's what you want you really don't need that added stress right this second.

Ellie

[MnSPD]

Lisa,

Two great posts by nic and Ellie. Both posts elude to the same thing. Time will tell if 1) You have adopted the changes you've been working on to the core. Meaning, are they now habit. and 2) In order for this M to really work, B has a ton of issues to resolve and it isn't going to happen without effort on his part. I mean REAL effort.

I believe Eliie can atest to the second part.

I wouldn't wish what you are going through on anyone. Set out some goals to work on, set some boundaries, continue to be the great Mom you are and let's see where those things lead.

Steve

[LisaLost]

ok guys- I couldn't take it anymore-I don't have what it takes to gothrough this again- I filed the paperwork today. I can't stay married to him, I don't want to stay married to him.


Well I did it- haven't heard anything from him all day


Lisa

[princess_nic]

Does he know you've filed?

It would be nice to tell him, don't you think? What happens now?

[Lissett]

you filed? wow!

[Holly06]

Lisa,
I really think that you are too emotional right now to make this kind of decision. I would give it the old 24 to48 hour rule, and then double that for hormones!

Are you really sure you are done? Can you support yourself with spousal support?

[brandnewday]

Lisa
I am not sure what to say.

I know that in a few days you may regret your decision but I also think you are the only one who can decide on the fate of your Marriage.


You know him best.

I know that there were many times I just wanted things to be done as the pain was too much to handle.

I know how hard it is to have a load of young kids and no Husband around to help. I too grew resentful of my husband and wanted him to rot in hell for all eternity....And after a couple of days I went back to standing.


The good part is that you are the one who filed so you can always withdraw if you change your mind.

Maybe he needed a wake up call???

[LisaLost]

Well I called him- hewas off today- surprise!!! I called his cell he said he is playing golf with his brother and ummm 2 other people who are just there to watch- that + girls oh well he said what do you want? I just told him to call later- he said he didn't have time later so I told him I had filed- he didn't say anything but- if you think i am here with females u are wrong. i told him that it doesn't matter anymore I just don't want to be married to him anymore- he is right it is too much work and we don't get along and I am not going to wait 11 months for himagain only to have the same thing happen. he just hung up on me.


GUys I am 31 years old with 5 kids, I can't keep playing this game with him- the well I want a family oh no it's too hard I am gone game anymore I am a human with real feelings and I want away from him- let him figure out his issues when his next string of relationships don't work out. I have to move on.

Do you guys think I am wrong here? Yes I am emotional but I have been riding this with him for over 21 months now I think it's time I got off the ride.

I hate that I did it- he should be doing it but he won't he wants to wait- well I don't- I guess I will be the WAW- I have too much going for me thanto sit around and wait for him to come home just so I can walk on eggshells and have to be scared that he will continue with his behaviors- Sure I messed up and backslid a little but guys you know what I realized althoughhe was saying the words- he never changed- he doesn't admit to anything being wrong with him at all- it was all me. I don't want that in my life anymore. I am wore out from this. I have totally lost myself again- my fault I know but I need to do this.

I hope you guys can find it in your heart to support me and understand where I am coming from

ANd guys I really wish it could have been different but I don't see it.

Holly- until I get back to work (I am a Realtor) I can live off my child support an alimony, He will be court ordered from my temp. request and I know it will be at least 3600.00- he has a very good paying job. So finances aren't that big an issue for me right now. I have been thinking about this for over a week- he blames me for him not seeing his kids then he doesn't show o get them or call to talk to them. Today once again he chose a golf outing over his kids 3 of which he hasn't seen in a month!!!!


love, lisa


Love,lisa