My heart has been completely torn apart

[I_Surrender]

Thanks so much.
Each of us is different in the values we hold true to ourselves, and has unique situations and expectations.

I do view this a little differently, from my perspective. (Lovemaking) is an intimate physical connection, yes. I view it as postive, make no mistake, but as of yet there isn't confidence on my part that the emotional connection is on the way to where it needs to be.
I don't know if that makes sense.
An example; She has yet to make an appt with her counselor.
There is a lot of work to do on that front. This must happen, in order for our marriage to have hope, otherwise the same thing might/will happen again.

I discussed this with her on the weekend. What happens, if I am in a car accident, incpacitated or just away on a business trip? It is my fear that this would be on her mind. I told her that I had extreme difficulty managing my emotions this time around. I fear that irrational, or angry thoughts would have control of me if it ever happened again (I felt on the verge at times this time.)

I feel a need to protect my emotional-self from ever being in a place where irrational thoughts take over.

Today I have an information session with a lawyer. I am not planning D or anything. I just need to have an understanding of the legality and implications of D.

For me this situation is still very close to the precipice, leaning part way over, hanging on to a thin rope.