God bless you honey and you have much support here do not forget that, had it not been for you all here I would NOT be the sane woman I am today! I too felt like MY H wanted me to say I want the D for him ,, he tried many times to push me into it. I said to him once "even after all the pain you have put me thru I will not give up on you , I will however pray for you cause I do not envy you, you are so lost." He was SPEECHLESS!

I wasn't ready to let go either so I kept praying for a Miracle and for GOD to restore him...

I posted this 2 weeks before he changed his mind...
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Thank you GOD for allowing him to be beautiful with me ,, please help to restore him,please give him direction, please bless him , please help me to be strong and let go of the outcome, please bless me with guidance.
Shine your light on me so that I will feel blessed instead of confused ,
give me patience to see this through.
Be my guiding light in this time of great turmoil, give me strength to be more like you and let go and forgive. Take away my pain and replace it with joy. Help me love without measure,help me please.

To forgive is divine let me feel it and give me peace,, I will do your will and love til there is no more left in me to give , help me to shine , help me to have faith.
I place my life in your hands and ask only for strength, to keep me in your arms.
I want the best for myself and my Family,Please help me see.
Open my eyes to new ways to love and show gratitude everyday,, open my heart to feel only pure love and set the hurt aside to live in your light and find comfort in knowing you will always take care of me even when I forget to take care
of myself.
Bless me dear GOD and forgive me for not loving so freely before,,,
for living in fear.
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YES it is a ROLLERCOASTER and there were many times I wanted to return my d*mn ticket and get off for good and yet my heart would not let me.... I looked for an old post of mine with you in mind to let you know you are not alone and yes it hurts like hell but if HE finds his way back and out of the dark place he is in and says I want you and I love you and its just you and me .... It will still feel like h*ll on EARTH at times until he is FULLY better. Hang in there love be strong for you and love yourself enough to love from a distance and take care of you while being there as much as you can be for him. Do not let him strip you of your spirit,, he actually needs it to find his way back if he ever wants to come back to reality.
I always felt it was like if he ( MY H )was drowning and just wanted to hang on to me so as not to fully go under,,, had I not been strong thru the sheer agony of it,, he would have pulled me down with him! My heart is with you and I know your spirit is strong,, you can do this for YOU. What you focus on expands... focus on being the strong , capable, VIBRANT WOMAN GOD blessed you to be. You may not feel it , but you are. Start today...
GOD bless...