My heart has been completely torn apart

[I_Surrender]

Thanks LO, maybe one day I will post more of the letter.

I am glad that I went away this weekend, considering husband's advice as well as so many of you who are struggling to rebuild your relationships.
The long weekend together was very nice, and although I felt the need to keep my feelings guarded for a lot of the time, W was considerate and supportive, as things went along.
I opened up a little and told her a little of what was bothering me (my feelings, fears) at dinner last night.
I am still in emotionally uncharted territory. (I will look forward to Wednesday, when I can talk with the counsellor) Late last night I got carried away, and we ended up making love. I felt somehow this might have been wrong, I don't know. If it was wrong or right, we did, and maybe it was something that was necessary. I am unsure. Did I let my guard down? Was I caving into sexual feelings, dismissing what happened?
I feel a little better today. Perhaps the talking. I lost it a little after dinner, and ended up crying for a while. W just hugged me and didn't say anything.
I don't yet know where the road will lead, I am very happy that we went together, and told W the same thing.