Chicki, I hope everything went well for you tonight, you are in my thoughts and prayers.
My W and I meet up for dinner tonight to discuss the Pink Elephant living in our house. She saw a lawyer last week and has yet to file. But indicates that this is her intentions. She is still standing firm that I will never touch her again nor will she ever make herself vulnerable to me ever again. She told me tonight that the looking at my hands and the thought of them touching her makes her cringe because I brought the feelings from her sexual assault back-up. Now that event is associated with me even though I never did anything like this to her. She said tonight that the only time that we seem to get along is when we talk about our kids and that she over the years has kept busy trying to make everything look like all was ok in our home. This A just exacerbated all her negative feeling towards me and that is why we are at where we are at today.
I again mentioned Legal Seperation to which it doesn't seem like an option in her mind. She has given me the last 7+ years to love her right and she will not give me another year to try.
We talked about the new car and I told her my plans. We might just payoff her car or she might just take over the payments. Who knows...But it is all out there and she can let me know which option she would like to go with.
She is planning on taking half of everything and retaining custody of our girls. She knows that means every other weekend for me and once every week. She would like me to have the girls more often then that but that is what both of our lawyers told us.
Her lawyer told her that a D would most likely only cost her $1200, which is less then the retainer that my lawyer is going to charge me. I still hope we do not get this far, but my expectations are low rightnow.
I am planning on bring my 2DD's away this weekend with some friends of mine. We should have a really good time. I am looking forward to the trip.
My W did for the first time tonight thank me for helping her dad the other day. She also appologized for disrespecting me the way she did with the A. It was sincere.
She told me her coldness was do to the fact that she did not want to give me any false hope. Hopefully after tonight we can actually start communicating more frequently.
I still hope and pray that my family in the end stays intact. I love my W, I love my girls, I love this family that I have been blessed with. Without my W wanting to give a little effort into making this work I do not see how we can even begin trying to reconcile.
You all are in my thoughts and prayers. Thanks for the support, encouragement, and the kick in the a$$ that I sometimes need. I will keep you posted.
