A rough morning this morning. No particular reason for it, just woke up this morning with that pit in my stomach and the knot in my chest. Nothing this weekend was different, W even stayed home and didn't go out for the second weekend in a row so I don't know why I feel all the anxiety this morning.
How is it that we think we are handling the situation and are adjusting pretty welland then have a morning that it all hits hard out of the blue? I've been doing this to some degree now for almost 18 months. Simply said, it sucks.
Dude, you've been through the emotional ringer for 18 months, fear and doubt will crop up, you have to just let it be. Don't let it define you or the work you've been doing. I know we all want the pain to be over immediately but it won't be. It will linger and try to get to you for some time I'd guess. So, just don't dwell on it. Don't repress it, let it be there, but don't hang on to it, just let it go and stay positive.
My weekend was brutal and it took me til this morning to let it go. Letting go is strength, holding on is weakness. I try so desperately to hold on to any figment of my W and our M that it makes me feel sad. At least now I can idnetify the problem, let it be, and release it. I don't dwell on it, I don't let it get me too down, and I get past it pretty quickly...
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
I think part of my issue today is realizing the school year is almost over. I teach high school and will not be working this summer. I really should be but I'm not comfortable leaving W home with the kids everyday, all day. She is supposed to finish school at the end of the month and pick up a job, but no one (my C, my family, etc) expect her to find anything quickly. I just don't know. C thinks she won't actually leave until she finds someone else to take care of her. On top of that my oldest is 1000 miles away in Florida and I worry about his health issues so far away from home. I suspect this trip is sort of his last curtain call.
The kids are spending a couple of weeks in camp this summer too. I don't know what I'm going to do if W is still around the house all day or even worse, if she's not working but is going somewhere else during the day.
Stand up for what is right, even if you are standing alone.
It is almost over isnt it ? wow ... I will have the kids all summer and try to work at the same time.
How far away are you from me rhoch.. I assume you are somewhere south ?
Of course stbxw will be moving about 25 miles north of here in July so that she is close to om when he returns from his job each weekend. Just informed me that she isnt going on our family vacation this year even though she has the week off.. oh what fun she must have planned instead ?
My life crossed over into the truly bizaare today....
Professionally.....I had a 4th period student today (male) who I had to send off to the administration because he was.....pleasuring himself in the back of the room. I spoke to the asst. principal who informed me that he had been removed from his 1st period for the same thing and had been caught doing so on the bus a few days ago. After 20 years of teaching its interesting that I can still experience something new, lol.
On the personal front, I have been laying the groundwork for winning any potential custody dispute. It was suggested that showing W as having a consistant pattern of unstable relationships and problematic behaviors would significantly help my case. To do that I have been trying to get a clear picture of her history. I knew that her first husband had been killed in an auto accident a few years ago and had been trying to find his widow. I found her today. She said he didn't talk a whole lot about his first marriage (to my W) but he did talk about a few.....things. She told me that before he and my W could get married, he had to sleep with W's mom "so she could be sure he would be a good husband for her daughter". I almost dropped the phone. W has denied that there was any sexual abuse even though she is a textbook case and then I am told this and......oh my, I don't think there is any question now. Now I just have to figure out what to do with all of this.
How's all that for a bizaare day at the office? LOL
Stand up for what is right, even if you are standing alone.
I thought I had a trump card with my w's biological father(she is adopted) killing himself.. after shooting up his apt in LA in the 60's.. new found information is great about our wives and their history , isnt it ? I too am the 2nd H.. first and last W for me btw.
We are about 200 miles away I guess.. wish it was closer as we have much in common.. let me know if you get to Columbus or farther north this summer, okay ? Would like to sit down with you for lunch or something.
You struck a nerve when you spoke of the weddings rings...My H left as ya know 1 yr ago. H stopped wearing his ring 6 months before that..EA/PA going on. Funny thing...I stopped wearing it the day he left. Maybe I should take your lead and just start wearing my band. What do you think?
I want to also give you kudos for keeping it together and handling things w/humor at times. Your on a rough road too. I know stats show more men do this. But, women do too. Its good to share the other side of things..
Me: 40 H: 39 M: 17 yrs - Together 18 1/2yrs No kids Seperated: May 18, 2006 EA/Poss PA with OW for 6 months prior to leaving. 2nd Bomb dropped: Dec. 23, 2010
