DadNotQuitting posted this to his thread and I want to make sure it's here also.
"From David Deida's "The Way of the Superior Man" (thanks Frank for turning me on to this - where was it three years ago?)
"when you woman seems to have an emotional problem, you want to know why. You want to know what is upsetting her. You assume there is a specific cause. You want to know what triggered her bad mood so you can fix the situation"
"questioning is probably making her mood worse......90% of a woman's emotional problems stem from feeling unloved...... so don't stand back analyzing her, like a doctor analyzing a patient. Give her your love - the same love that is motivating your questioning - immediately and unmistakably"
"your analysis and attempts to fix her will just piss her off more""
I had a fairly good day today in terms of being able to "stand up to" my wife on certain issues where she was trying to take control of situations, utilizing the same patterns as in the past. The difference this time? I didn't allow it! I stood my ground, didn't get pushed around and more importantly, didn't cave in. I'll be darned if it didn't feel good, and guess what, I think I may have gotten not only some results, but maybe, just maybe a smidgen of respect from her. Dare to dream! I think she sees that I am going to stand my ground and will be firm, yet in as much of a non-confrontational way as possible.
Your input, along with some great advice I have received her, has made a big difference. I needed to grow a set, and I have. THANKS.
DNQ
Last edited by DadNotQuitting; 05/20/0706:36 AM.
Me: 39 WAW: 40 S10, D7, S6 Bomb #1 - 12-24-06: Move out (ILYBNILWY - admitted '05 PA) Move back: 3-2-07 (W: I still want to be married to you) Bomb # 2 - 4-11-07: (W: Can't do this - never loved you) Move out again: 4-29-07 Dark: 6-8-07
Hey Frank. Thanks for your great post re: my trip to Iraq. It is truly an honor to wear this uniform, no matter what people think about the war. The great majority of us really do live the army values: Loyalty, Duty, Respect, Selfless service, Honor, Integrity and Personal Courage. We also ask 18-24 year olds to make life and death decisions on a daily basis,and most of the time, they make the right choices. No matter how M. turns out, I am really glad to be here and to be able to serve there. It will change my life for the best, I can almost guarantee it.
I hope that I can come back and face what may wait for me with the same tenacity that I tackle my Army assignment. I'd love to have a critique of my situation when you get a moment.
Hey Frank. Thanks for your great post re: my trip to Iraq. It is truly an honor to wear this uniform, no matter what people think about the war. The great majority of us really do live the army values: Loyalty, Duty, Respect, Selfless service, Honor, Integrity and Personal Courage. We also ask 18-24 year olds to make life and death decisions on a daily basis,and most of the time, they make the right choices. No matter how M. turns out, I am really glad to be here and to be able to serve there. It will change my life for the best, I can almost guarantee it.
I hope that I can come back and face what may wait for me with the same tenacity that I tackle my Army assignment. I'd love to have a critique of my situation when you get a moment.
Frank, Sven, COG, DNQ, et al., Thanks for the great discussion on "counseling" your W in Frank's last thread! I think I am on the right path and just need to continue to give her space and to work on me. SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
You're "current thread" does not link to this new one.
So I find myself having to go dark. I don't like it and am afraid. Over the past couple weeks you have been a tremendous inspiration, and I feel it is time that I better understand what has gotten you to where you are with your wife. So I'm spending tomorrow going to San Francisco on a field trip with 40+ fourth graders. Cool stuff. We're taking the train, so I'm going to have a few hours to kill there and back. I have gone through all of your threads and printed them out so that I can put the story together from beginning to end. I see that you too have had more than your fair share of dark days, my friend. But one day, the light began to shine and you ended up with what many of us would give almost anything for, another chance. You took it upon yourself to use all of the tools that you now try to teach us about, and the result seems to be wonderful. I'm sure I will learn much by reading your entire story. Thanks for making it easy to access!
DNQ
Me: 39 WAW: 40 S10, D7, S6 Bomb #1 - 12-24-06: Move out (ILYBNILWY - admitted '05 PA) Move back: 3-2-07 (W: I still want to be married to you) Bomb # 2 - 4-11-07: (W: Can't do this - never loved you) Move out again: 4-29-07 Dark: 6-8-07
I am truly inspired by your threads and the feedback that you have provided to your peers on this board. You are a great person for doing this. I just registered. Can you check out my thread when you get a chance?
"when you woman seems to have an emotional problem, you want to know why. You want to know what is upsetting her. You assume there is a specific cause. You want to know what triggered her bad mood so you can fix the situation"
"questioning is probably making her mood worse......90% of a woman's emotional problems stem from feeling unloved...... so don't stand back analyzing her, like a doctor analyzing a patient. Give her your love - the same love that is motivating your questioning - immediately and unmistakably"
Wow...that's a wonderful post. Wish we could all be lucky to be the recipients of such unconditional love...as well as those who give such love.
