The "mystery" to our marriage is simple. It is based on mutual caring and respect
I have understood this. What I don’t understand is how that squares with love. Which maybe explains why you say
MrsNOP and I don't think we have an ideal marriage.
That makes sense.
…and those are two ideals that you have yet to master in your own relationship. That makes you blind as to understanding us enough to accept us. The resulting distrust then causes you to see demons where there are none.
No, I don’t think it is distrust, I think it is the perception, possibly erroneous on my part, that you two have a marriage based on love. If what you say is true over on LFL’s earlier thread:
That being said; My greatest "emotional need" is sex - connected sex. It is basically my only need from my wife, I can get by without much else. That makes me a bit odd, but it does fit with my sex drive being what it is.
I know you say you love her, but the tone in posts like this and the following:
I married MrsNOP because I loved her, but I was never infatuated with her, nor she with me. We both burned all that potential out living with each other before we were married. Much like you and your husband decided to get married due to pregnancy, we decided to get married because I thought it was the right thing to do, and MrsNOP basically went along with it.
make me think you are highly motivated by doing what is right, what you feel is your obligation or duty (makes sense for a military man). But I also see that as guilt driven, other driven, shame based. Don’t get me wrong, I understand the value of duty, obligation, etc, but many people on this board get into trouble because of too great an adherence to this rather than following true love and your own inner desires.
Your problem with me is simple. You can't pigeon hole me and that simply drives you insane. That is due to your lack of understanding, not some dark intentions to alpha-rule the forum and control the universe on my part.
I don’t think you want to control the universe, but I do think you dodge the deeper emotional aspects of your M and therefore why you offer the advice you do, even though that advice usually coincides with a more empathic approach.
So I will offer you an honest piece of advice. Figure out what the cause of your paranoia is, and why it is so important to you that you feel included, and you will take a big step toward some personal healing.
Perhaps you can take some advice too, which is to stop reacting so strongly when someone posts contrary to your POV or you feel someone has impugned you in some way that you have to fight to defend your valor. So you had a colored past. Maybe you had to fight your way to where you are today. Maybe you want to get past that history and earn some respect. Good for you. Show respect and you’ll get respect.
Corri,
Better to meet a man who has lived life.... and can see with the accuracy of 20/20 hindsight, than to meet a man who hypothesizes from all he has learned from books. Experience... to me... is a quite a valid POV.
Not sure what you are trying to say here... I won't assume, but I think I have plenty of real world experience to offer too, not just from books.
