That sounds good man, keep that attitude and it'll work out for the best. Thanks for sharing so much, it's sure helping me in my quest to save my M. I hope we can keep this up to positive beginnings of new relationships with our W's.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
thanks for the post guys. jazz, i went dark once for a month and at the time i thought it was a bad thing but as i look back i think it through her off. when we wernt talking she went out of her way to tell friends how great she was doing and she started going to bars where she could run into me. at the time i thought she was rubbing it in, but as i look back i think the bar thing was hoping to run into me and trying to convince everyone how great she was i believe she was trying to get that back to me. i am going to probably go dark for a couple of weeks through our anniversary and i want to see if there is anything on her part that gives me a clue what to do.
when i am dark though if she calls i need to respond in a positive way not with a chip on my shoulder like i have done int the past.
What if your marriage ended, what would it be like. Jazz is saying you show her what life would be without you for real.
Dark is up to you bit, my concern is this, you worry to much about what to do for her. I think it's time to start thinking more about what to do for you. Quit questioning it so much. Just liive your life the way you want to live it and let her be. If she chooses to join you later great, if not so be it. YOu need to get the mentality that she made this choice and you are going to keep on living your life and not stop it waiting around on her. You can continue to live your life and honor your vows at the same time my friend. Start doing for Bit instead of for getting bits wife back.
thanks ian, good to hear from you i always look forward to your opinion.
i just am at the end of my rope. today sucked i went to visit the church where we had my dads funeral at, and all this sucks without the support of my wife.
i am not doing anything until after our anniversary on june 3. after that i am going to either file for divorce without talking to her first, or talk to her and tell her i agree with everything she has said and we are better off and tell her that i am filing.
i am racking my brain with this dicision but if i can just stay patient until after the 3 rd and i will worry about it then.
i am just not positive today. alot of days i see all the positives that she has given me and i have a good outlook but not now i just see the glass as half empty today.
i am not doing anything until after our anniversary on june 3. after that i am going to either file for divorce without talking to her first, or talk to her and tell her i agree with everything she has said and we are better off and tell her that i am filing.
i am racking my brain with this dicision but if i can just stay patient until after the 3 rd and i will worry about it then.
That's about 2 more weeks, that's a good timeframe, especially around your anniversary. Do you think she'll do anything about that? Don't sweat the bad days, they happen to us all - I tend to have bad weekends, but that's me.
Ian is dead on though, we all want to do things for our spouse. It feels like if we do that we can "fix it." You know I'm right there with you, I'm a mess! But I get up, go to the gym, go to work, see a therapist, hang out with my friends or family, mountain bike, go so sporting events, go to church, read good books, spend time with my S, ANYTHING to get my mind on me. Now, I have to be careful because one of my W's buttons is my over-spending, so I can't go spend a lot of money, but YOU can!
I actually have a spending tracker I carry around with me to find patterns in my spending that I can reduce even further. Shoot, I've already cut out buying lunch every day (and dinner, for that matter.) It's actually become a time-killer, and a difficult goal that I have to pay attention to. That takes my mind off things a lot.
Whatever works for you to make YOU feel better (and isnt harmful, of course) go do it.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
believe me i have done ton for myself since this. i have spent 4 or 5 weekends in nyc. i went to ecuador for 2 weeks, and went to atlanta for the final 4. i have season tix to the phillies and have been to a bunch of games. i spend a couple of nights a weeks hitting my favorite watering holes with my boys. i workout at least 2 sometimes 3 days a week. i sit in my back yard by the pool and read and just veg everyday. life is good for me but i am just so stinkin confused about someone can do a complete 180 in a matter of weeks.
And it probably wasn't a matter of weeks, it was probably brewing for a long time, since it doesn't have everything to do with you.
I know my W let things go for a long time before kicking me out. I'm working on forgetting the past and focusing on the future. It's hard, but visualizing how our M will be when we get back together helps, it really does. It keeps you positive. Shoot, like I've said before I think you're doing pretty damn good. I'd just say keep it up and good things will happen.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
But I get up, go to the gym, go to work, see a therapist, hang out with my friends or family, mountain bike, go so sporting events, go to church, read good books, spend time with my S, ANYTHING to get my mind on me. Now, I have to be careful because one of my W's buttons is my over-spending, so I can't go spend a lot of money, but YOU can!