That's just my take on it though. Right now you two remind me of two alpha dogs circling each other trying to win leadership of the pack.
I disagree with this strongly. Cobra does not seem to generally disagree with what NOP posts.
Cobra disagrees with HOW he posts.
If he disagrees with a point, he could give his counterpoint. That would be equivalent, that might be two equals conversing or debating.
Instead he is offering dimestore personality assessments, outright calling NOP a hypocrite and hinting that NOP comes across so strangely that his FOO is leaking out for all to see.
WTF is that all about?
Cobra PREsumes that his assessments are fact, when he could ask if he thinks he sees contradictions. There are perfectly reasonable explanations as to why NOP or I would divorce each other immediately if either of us chose infidelity and it has nothing to do with hypocrisy or dichotomies. But no explanation should be given to someone who is going out of his way to be insulting.
I don't have to know what your background is GEL, to respond to you - agree with you or disagree with you. Nor have you felt it necessary to question me about mine. In fact, not another person on this forum has felt the need to know someone's past in order to address what that someone is posting in the now.
So, it's not an alpha dog to alpha dog I'm observing. It's one guy going about his business posting straight on to people and another guy yapping about how the other guy posts.
If he disagrees with a point, he could give his counterpoint. That would be equivalent, that might be two equals conversing or debating.
I have done just that, don’t you remember. You accused me of chasing Nop around the board, even when it seemed Nop was chasing me.
Instead he is offering dimestore personality assessments, outright calling NOP a hypocrite and hinting that NOP comes across so strangely that his FOO is leaking out for all to see.
I see. And when you do the same it’s simply calling someone out on an inconsistent post. Hmmm…. double standard.
Cobra PREsumes that his assessments are fact, when he could ask if he thinks he sees contradictions.
Now that is a presumption on your part. I don’t presume to know facts. I try to place “IMO” in my posts.
There are perfectly reasonable explanations as to why NOP or I would divorce each other immediately if either of us chose infidelity and it has nothing to do with hypocrisy or dichotomies. But no explanation should be given to someone who is going out of his way to be insulting.
That’s your take. I thought I was just calling Nop out.
I don't have to know what your background is GEL, to respond to you - agree with you or disagree with you. Nor have you felt it necessary to question me about mine. In fact, not another person on this forum has felt the need to know someone's past in order to address what that someone is posting in the now.
True, but I know plenty about GEL and everyone else who is a regular poster here. I know very little about you or Nop. You’ve both stated before that your full history is out there on the board for all to see. Well I’ve read your threads, and there really isn’t all that much out there.
Everyone thinks you have the ideal marriage and recovery. Maybe you do. Maybe you don’t. I can’t find enough information to tell one way or the other. And until I can get a better feel for your dynamics, I take your R advice with a certain grain of salt. There are cracks that I see. You two do a good job of patching each other’s cracks, which is good from an R standpoint, but I am not convinced yours is the model to follow. There are some very good points that can be incorporated, but exactly how and why your marriage works is still a mystery to me.
I don't understand what this whole deal is about but I don't think the Nops M is necessarily being presented as "the model" but as one that works FOR THEM. I have seen multiple models presented here that seem to work for the people involved. It is good to see what works for people and to entertain the possibility that something like that might work for someone else. This is a problem with multiple solutions and I don't believe that FOO is the determining factor in what will work and for who. What your FOO issues mean to you and how you are dealing with them now is more important than what they are. Two people can have practically identical family histories and yet, interpret them differently. How important the issues become in their current life will be radically different. I value what the Nops have to say because they have fought past the roadblocks - their solution is immaterial.
Personally, I like getting advice that sounds like prophetic wisdom. It makes me feel like my life is an adventure and I just got a clue from the oracle. I think BF gives rather cryptic advice too. So I kind of believe that I will only have transcendent sex in the primeval forest when I find a never married rake who is ready to be reformed by me and only if I don't try to get him to "top my top". So, first I have to do something that I think will be almost impossibly difficult (I don't think I'll ever be that hot)and then I have to do something that I can't even fully comprehend (but I am thinking that if a sexual relationship was like a Mobius strip then you could be the bottom and the top at the same time. Also, a Mobius strip only has one boundary. Or maybe like a Klein bottle which has no "differentiation" between inside and outside surfaces and is two Mobius strips (with no clear top or bottom orientation) glued together.)
But, I'm probably overthinking it.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Cobra wrote:"Everyone thinks you have the ideal marriage and recovery. Maybe you do. Maybe you don’t. I can’t find enough information to tell one way or the other. And until I can get a better feel for your dynamics, I take your R advice with a certain grain of salt. There are cracks that I see. You two do a good job of patching each other’s cracks, which is good from an R standpoint, but I am not convinced yours is the model to follow. There are some very good points that can be incorporated, but exactly how and why your marriage works is still a mystery to me."
You are presuming that everyone here thinks we have an ideal marriage. MrsNOP and I don't think we have an ideal marriage. Hell, we're human. Imagine that.
I'm glad you take anything I say with a grain of salt. I hope you have the common sense to do that with anything you hear or see.
The "mystery" to our marriage is simple. It is based on mutual caring and respect, and those are two ideals that you have yet to master in your own relationship. That makes you blind as to understanding us enough to accept us. The resulting distrust then causes you to see demons where there are none.
There is no one here but us people. No prophets, no sooth sayers, just people.
Your problem with me is simple. You can't pigeon hole me and that simply drives you insane. That is due to your lack of understanding, not some dark intentions to alpha-rule the forum and control the universe on my part.
So I will offer you an honest piece of advice. Figure out what the cause of your paranoia is, and why it is so important to you that you feel included, and you will take a big step toward some personal healing.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
If you will recall.... NOP stopped posting on this board for quite a long time. He popped in every now and then. If you would have been posting here three years ago, you would have no doubt that what he and Mrs. NOP have been able to do, together, is a success story. For them.
He got to a point where he really didn't need to post anymore, and for a good long time he went away. Then he'd throw in a comment or two, here and there.
I personally got on NOP to start posting more, for he helped me, probably more than anyone on the board. I LIKE NOP. He has a past. Don't we all. I would never be so egotistical to say that he came back because I got on his case.... he is a free thinking man... but in any event, I DO think he has valuable insights. And he is quite eloquent when he wants to be.
Give him some space, dude. Please. He may not be your cup of tea... he may not be the person you choose to follow... but NOP isn't really here to prove anything to anyone. He has opinions, only. You don't like how he operates, take it with a grain of salt and move on.
But believe it or not.... given your age and his... you MIGHT learn a thing or two if you check that... need to be 'right' feeling you have at the door.
My shrink has been married three times. Were I to go in there and throw that in his face... I'd get nowhere with him. He had two affairs. MY SHRINK.
Better to meet a man who has lived life.... and can see with the accuracy of 20/20 hindsight, than to meet a man who hypothesizes from all he has learned from books. Experience... to me... is a quite a valid POV.
