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trying to shift to suppress your desires seems like it will only build resentment in you. Any shift I was thinking about is to drop the undertone of resentment that seems to affect your perception, then try a more proactive, problem solving type of approach.

Oh, I have no plans to suppress my desires. I know full well it will build resentment in me. At least I've learned something. So H just better get ready for lots of hot sex! \:D
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Does he hang out with any male friends? Do they make the usual male sex jokes, ogle women when out by themselves, that sort of thing? Or is your H totally turned off by such male behavior? Has he been so conditioned by his complaining mother that he has come to hate men as much as she does?

Well, as much as I'd like to blame his mom for all of this ;\) I think it comes from all sorts of environmental influences. He definitely does not have friends that ogle women or tell sex jokes. They are all "good boys" who may play golf a few times in the summer, but never go out to bars and such. I know all his friends (and the wives) personally and also happen to know they are all LD. What does that tell ya? Birds of a feather flock together.
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If he doesn’t feel he is good at sex, and you don’t feel he is good at sex, then what do you think he is good at?

I could write a list a mile long, but I won't because it's apples and oranges to a degree. I need/want a fulfilling sexual life. It is low on his priority list. He can never compensate for the sex by giving me more housecleaning, income, even the love letters. I appreciate all of that. But it's just not the same. I need to stay focused on the issue.
LFL